X for Xerox copy | AtoZ Challenge

When I was born, relatives looked at me and always said, "Arey, ye toh same Saroj hain!" ("Arey, she looks exactly like Saroj!") For those who do not know, Saroj is the name of my mother. Since birth, I looked like a similar albeit slightly unpolished version of my mother. And my mother in turn looked like her mother. So when the three of us, Nani mumma and I sit together, people can very easily guess that we are related and what's the relationship. But with Baby Hashtag, it's been different. Turns out she does not take take after me. The moment she was born, I was told (and retold multiple times after that) that she looks like her dad. Um okay, that's cool I guess.

A daughter should be her daddy's girl. As spoilt as can be, as princessy as he can handle. So what if she looks like her papa and nothing like me. I will not be superficial and say that I am not bothered by it. Of course I was. But I got over it in five seconds. I love that my daughter looks like the person I love, makes me want to stare at her all the more. In the morning, when both the father and the daughter are fast asleep, I sneakily open the curtain to let some light in so that I can stare at the two of them for a full two minutes. But anyway, this happens on days when I wake up before the husband and that rarely seems to be happening these days thanks to Baby Hashtag's sleep regression.

That I am my mothers Xerox copy, is something I love. Also that my daughter is her father's Xerox copy, is another fact I love. It's a win-win, ain't it?

P.S. Before anyone goes hyper grammar Nazi on me and point out that Xerox is the name of the company and it's actually called photo copy, let me spare you the time. I know. I chose convenience over technicality just this once.

W for Waking up | AtoZ Challenge

I am not a morning person. Never have been. I would get up at 8 in the morning, attend to the day to day and scoot back to bed if I could. After getting married, I took to inculcating the habit of waking up at 7 am. I can take the liberty of saying that the husband is also pretty much the same as I am, if not worse. This habit of me not being an early waker is not inherited for sure because both my parents are early risers. Everyone in my family wakes up early, even my uncles. I lived a reckless life in the night. Midnight snacking, staying up late into the night and studying, watching movies, reading books, wasting time on the phone. Ofcourse I was going to be a late to wake up in the morning.

But when I got pregnant, I went back to my schedule of waking up late. I had a normal pregnancy but I have the nicest mother-in-law who would not let me work at all and made me rest round the clock. Again, I was back on the old cycle. But all the aunties warned me.

"Your baby won't let you sleep at all. Say bye bye to sleep. No way to rest for another 10 years now. Sleep as much as you want now, you won't be able to sleep at all later."

The advises just kept getting darker and more sadistic. There was even a point in time when I was in my third trimester that I was panicky about not being able to sleep at all. And then the baby arrived and to my surprise, inspite of being born into the morning, she was on a similar REM cycle as most adults. She slept longer in the nights. Now another fear gripped me.

"What if I am not able to wake up when she needs me!???"

Call it maternal instincts but for this once I want to thank my hormones cos they woke me up whenever the baby even made a little noise. Hence, we swiftly waded through self doubts regarding waking up on time.

Now at 5 months old, Baby Hashtag sleeps a little longer and wakes up a fair few times in the night when she gets hungry. And she manages to wake me up. About when she gets up in the morning? What do you know! She is following in the footsteps of her parents and wakes up well into the morning giving both mumma and papa an opportunity to catch up on some rejuvenating sleep.

V for Virtues and Vices | AtoZ Challenge

Dear Baby Hashtag,

Today, I need to tell you something important. I don't want to sound preachy, yet somewhere in the narrative I will end up sounding like one so please bear with me. I am taking a different approach today. I am not going to thankful or emotional or unbelievably sappy. I will be real with you.

Let's talk Virtues and Vices.

There is black and there is white. Two ends of the same thing. Two sides of a coin. And just like that, a person also has two character traits to their personality​. One is the virtuous side, the other which indulges in vices.

Be honest. An age old saying reads that "honesty is the best policy" and rightly so. But learn to be honest with caution. Plain honesty bordering on insult does not go down well with a lot of people and more often than not we have to think about protecting other's feelings​. To that end, also learn to be caring. Be kind and a caregiver. Don't expect everyone to return the favour because that is unreal. I will, however, not force you to share. If there is something very dear to me and I am asked to share it, I might choose not to. And the same rules applies to you little one. I will ask you once, if you can find it in your heart to share the toy/food/play area and I know in my heart that you will say yes most of the times. On those times, when you do not want to share, I will not force you into it but I want you to reason the same with me.

Be a people person but try and avoid being vulnerable. Fundamentally, people are calculative and I want you to be wary  before you warm up to them. Study all you want and play as much. Take interest in everything you would want to do in your academic life because those are your golden years. Take chances and experiment but make sure you consult us before taking a decision. Your parents know quite a bit about everything and we will be sure to help you make the choices. When you need an ear, turn to me. Or better yet, your father. He is extremely cool and rest assured that he will break down any complication you think you are suffering from in life.

Being a teenager and then a young adult are going to be the most difficult things. But always know, your mum and dad are right behind you. I don't claim to be your friend because I will need to be a parent too a lot of times over the course of you growing up but you will find in me a very relaxed mum and in your father, a very cool chilled out papa.

As much as I would like you to be virtuous all the time, I know it is humanly impossible to be one. I'm afraid you will be attracted to the vices more than the virtues cos they are easy to fall into and oh-so-attractive. I will not come in your way if you want to have these 'life experiences' but I trust you to be of sound mind and do not over indulge in the name of life experiences. Learn, teach and be aware of everything that will come your way. I am not scaring you off life, merely preparing you for it. No matter how hard I try, I cannot hold you in the confines of the home all the time. I would be raising a socially awkward kid in that case. I'd rather you be a charmer and wade your way through life with your head held high and a glorious smile accross your face.

Maybe in the next letter, I will take a lighter approach and let you in on some personal jokes. For this once, I'm glad we talked about what we did.

Lots of love,
Mumma Hashtag

U for Unwind | AtoZ Challenge

More often than not, I need a break from the regular day to day to get my mojo back on and begin my daily hustle. I am not an extremely artistic person so unwinding from the routine does not include painting a landscape. I indulge myself in a lot of little activities.

Here is a list of 25 things I do to unwind

1. Read a book, preferably Harry Potter.
2. Browse Pinterest.
3. Doodle randomly or draw Mandalas.
4. Video call/Voice call my mum.
5. Clean the wardrobe and arrange everything.
6. Binge eating or eating my way through a Bhel Puri which is stuffed with all sorts of vegetables.
7. Watch reruns of Modern Family.
8. Wear the baby and go out exploring the neighbours.
9. Watching kids play
10. Watching Baby Hashtag's old videos and photographs.
11. Design photobooks for personal use.
12. Indulge in some simple DIY projects at home that does not take more than 15 minutes each.
13. Browse through Amazon and probably end up buying a few things.
14. Listening and dancing to music.
15. Watch standup comedy videos on YouTube.
16. Randomly photograph things at home to create a photo series.
17. Escape to the terrace of the building and spend some time looking and thinking about nothing.
18. Watch cooking videos.
19. Curate products for the store I run and take pictures to put them online for sale.
20. Type random notes on the phone.
21. Sleep, if the baby allows it.
22. Walk around aimlessly with the baby, preferably outdoors, if the weather allows it.
23. Catch up on some correspondance with friends and family.
24. Make a budget, plan the activities for the remainder of the month.
25. Browse through social media aimlessly.

What's your way to unwind?

T for Thank you | AtoZ Challenge

Dear Baby Hashtag,
Your sappy mom is back with another letter to you and as much as I would like to try to be casual in my letters to you, I find myself getting emotional at some point in the narrative.

Today, I want to thank you. There are a million reasons I need to thank you. This very instant, I want to thank you for taking a longer nap so your mommy could nap a little longer after finishing her chores. But this is not it. There are so many reasons more.

When we first found out we were pregnant, your father and I, we were ecstatic. Beyond ourselves really. Waiting for nine months so that I could finally see you seemed like too long a time. While everyone was convinced that I was going to have a boy, your father believed almost blindly that we would be having a girl. And he was right. Thank you for being a daddy's girl already.

I have to be honest with you at this point. A lot of mothers feel boundless joy and happiness when they first see their child. Me? Not so much. I barely reacted when the doctor told me through my surgery that it was a girl. It was a full 24 hours later that it hit me, that you were here. A person. A life I was going to nurture and protect from then on. I knew my life had changed. And change, it did. Thank you for bringing about the most happy change in our lives.

From the time you were a newborn, you did not conform to any general baby notions. You did you. You fed well, you slept through the night, you were (and still are) a no tantrum child. Thank you for that.

You are everything we dreamed of, and so much more. You surprise us everyday and make us want to be better people. We are already discussing meal plans and family rituals for when you grow up, we want to be able to follow those so we can be a wholesome family. Thank you for giving us a purpose and making us a family. A unit.

You have brought joy to SO MANY people. Your father's and mine, most of all. With just one smile, you can shift the axis on which our world revolves. And if I could, I would move mountains for you. Thank you little one.

Lots of love to you,

Mumma Hashtag

S for Sanskaari Bahu | AtoZ Challenge

Sanskaari (adj) - Cultured and well-mannered
Bahu (n) - Daughter in-law
Sasuji (n) - Mother-in-law
Shaadi (n) - Marriage

Until about yesterday, I had decided that today's post would be dedicated to Sarso ka tel because it has played a vital role in Baby Hashtag's well-being. And then, just this morning, I read an​ article which was so fundamentally wrong that it made me go another direction with the letter S.

Sanskaari. The holy S word that all women are taught to be 

since childhood. Explored extensively by the likes of Ekta Kapoor, exploited by soap operas for years. Because, beti is paraaya dhan innit. She has to leave her home, get married to a certain someone and accept his family as her own. Of course, this codswallop has been fed to every woman in our country and it's an age old, albeit accepted tradition. 

Fundamentally, the family system would cease to exist if a marriage fails to take place. So logically, for the continuity of species and family lines, a shaadi is necessary. And for a shaadi, you need a bahu. It was fine up to this point. A lot of people experience different things in their marriages. Some are happy, some are just about ok and some are plain abusive. But the freak generalisation of the sanskaari bahu as a prerequisite to a successful marriage had me tongue tied.

Sanskaars are subjective. To each, their own. What is morally sanskaar approved for you may not be just for someone else. This logic a lot of people understand but the need for the textbook 'sanskaari bahu' remains as old as ever. 

I, for one, am in no way a Sanskaari Bahu.

What is a sanskaari bahu?
A bahu who wakes up before sunrise, cooks for the family members (not just cooks but must cook various other cuisines), knows all the housework (so in case the maid decides to take a raincheck, you are still good), must press sasuji's legs till she falls asleep in the night, must still continue housekeeping duties even after having a baby, must be willing to take the second place in the husband's life cos he will always be the Mama's boy, she must treat the new family as her own and let go of the older family where she was born, so on and so forth.

Like I said, I am none of the above.

I wake up well after sunrise cos well, I have a baby to nurse all night and mornings are the only time we all sleep in peace. I know my way around the kitchen and home but not to the point of being called the expert homemaker. I'd rather be a commoner. When my sasuji is at home, we gossip over a cup of tea. That's a better and fun way to bond. I have a maid and a house help to help me manage my home cos I'm no Superwoman. I look after my husband just as much as he looks after me. I also take breaks for work or to simply chill while the baby is being watched over by other members of the family. I am in constant touch with my 'other' family and my husband treats them with no less love and respect. My mother and I still talk for hours, cos well, some things don't change. But I am sure I am still loved in this house. Both the houses, in fact. For me, happy marriages have nothing to do with being a sanskaari bahu. It is merely an extension of my pre-marital life except now I have more people to have fun with.

R for Raconteurs | AtoZ Challenge

I had nearly given up on the challenge cos Baby Hashtag has a really troubled night's sleep. I intended to be at her Beck and call the entire day and as luck would have it, she gave me some 'me time' eventually.

My husband is many things. To his parents, a dedicated son. To his family, a watchful over-indulging family man. To his friends, an extremely loyal and truthful friend. To his colleagues, a fun and able co-worker. To me, his wife, everything I want him to be. Even more. He is also renowned for his temper, and more often than not tells it like how it is. So reveration and fear are two things he gets often from people.

But ever since Baby Hashtag was born, I have seen a whole new side to this man. Yes, he is an exceptionally careful father. Very loving, and nurturing. One thing I found out about him during my pregnancy was that he was a Raconteur. While I am dying to introduce books or some other communication aides to the baby, the husband insists I tell her a story. Now I know only this one story, that of the tortoise and the hare. I mean who doesn't. After a couple of recitations, the purpose of story telling was lost on me. I decided I would just read to her when she grows older.

But not my husband, no. Turns out, this storytelling habit of his had carried on from his own childhood now to my baby's bachpan. So there he is, one fine evening, reciting some random story about Kings and his sons to this little baby who looks up at him in awe. She gets nothing out of it, does not understand anything but the way these two look at each other will convince you that they can converse in some secret language.

8 years of knowing this man and this side of him, of a doting father, is what I love the most. Moreso he reminds me of my own father who was a really funny man who always had anecdotes up his sleeve. I've written extensively about my father in his fond remembrance but it never seems to be enough. His stories about his childhood and the days when he was growing up still make us laugh. With him around to entertain, there was hardly ever a dull moment. And he loved his family to bits.

They have so much in common, these two men of my life.

My Father. My Husband. The Raconteurs.

Q for Quadrilaterals | AtoZ Challenge

Ever since I have started this daily blogging challenge, I have found myself dishing out weird life advices. I am surprised with myself. Today's letter got me instantly forming another theory about living in general. On the risk of sounding extremely preachy and crazy, let me share this one with you as well.

I believe in the power of numbers. Not magical powers. But the whole idea of something divided into a certain number appeals to me more than the whole. Even the books I use have subject divisions. I don't use a lot of things singularly, I usually have pairs or a certain number of them. Usually it's either 4 or 7. This fixation of mine with numbers, I cannot even begin to explain but I've had an inclination to maintain it pretty much all my life. I know a lot of people are obsessed with even numbers. Odd channels numbers and odd numbers as air conditioner temperature troubles them. But my fixation is not that. My obsession comes from the need to be different. It's not bordering on OCD, it's just a strong desire to stand out and still make sense. Am I making sense so far? 

Please bear with me and read on.

Quadrilaterals. A four sided geometrical figure. In this case, Quadrilaterals is everything in life divided into four parts. Every incident, situation or moment has four meanings or sides to it. People, too, have quadrilateral characters. Linear, one dimensional characteristics in a person are very rare.

Let's take for instance, babies. Babies, when born, have very basic lives. Their needs are limited. Food-Sleep-Poop/Pee-Snuggle/Play. That's their basic cycle. The emotions they exhibit in the first few weeks of their life are also four-fold. Hunger-Sleepy-Scared-Happy. More complex sub-emotions develop in them as they grow up but the core feelings remain the same. Adults have needs too. Their everyday life is spent in the pursuit of four things. Sustenance-Necessity-Pleasure-Luxury. ANYTHING one wants in life can be categorised into any one of the above brackets. That is why I believe that we are living the life in Quadrilaterals.

If this thought process tweaks your imagination or you have something to add to it, I would be happy to listen to your take.

Until tomorrow. Cheers!
D.

P for Pandemonium | AtoZ Challenge

Dear Baby Hashtag,

When you grow up, and grow up you will, take time and appreciate the pandemonium. You have a mother who likes order. When I put you down for a nap, for that precious one hour when everyone advises me to sleep, I choose to clean and arrange the laundry. I catch up on pending work or I make lists unto lists of work that needs to be taken care of. I know the laundry pile is going to come back and there is nothing I can do about that. But the momentary order I extract out of the chaos that our day usually is, that gives me solace.

There's a whole bunch of people out there advising me to let the work be. That in the moment in which I chose to wash the laundry or do the dishes, I let a milestone of your development pass by. And you know what, that is okay. I would rather teach you to be organised for when you look at me, you will learn yourself. I would rather prefer that you learn how a house becomes a home when we nurture it, clean it and treasure it.

But I am also afraid. That in all the discipline and in the process of learning to be orderly, you might not appreciate the chaos. You spend a lot of your time with me and you will form a lot of your core beliefs based on what I impart to you. And so, I am a little afraid that you will not have fun in life as I would like you to have.

Then I look at your father. He is all that I am not. He lives in the moment and appreciates chaos, knows the real meaning behind it. He loves you and adores you and is already a fabulous parent. Learn his frivolity. Be the life of a party or a social gathering like how he is. Make everyone laugh and make everyone feel included. And most important of all, learn from him the art of sustaining and embracing the pandemonium.

I would want nothing but the best for you. The best of both worlds. And the best versions of the two parents you have.

Lots of love,
Mumma Hashtag

O for Oxymoronic Lives | AtoZ Challenge

There was this song in some random Bollywood movie I heard a long time ago. I could probably Google the movie by the name of the song and might as well mention the name here. But I think it would just be a waste of time, just like those 10 seconds you must have wasted reading about how I could Google up a movie's name although I didn't want to. Anyway, back to the song. It was called 'We are same same but different'. That was the hook line. We are same same but different. We are same same but different. How can two people by same same but different? That song was lost on me and so was logic. So I left it at that.

Years later, I learnt this fancy schmancy term called oxymoron. Basically, an oxymoron is a phrase or a sentence that has two completely opposite elements in the same phrase/sentence. Same difference is the simplest example of an oxymoron. Why I am rambling about a grammatical term you might ask. I have a theory. We are all leading oxymoronic lives. Let me explain.

We are born as babies. We grow into toddlers, then children, eventually into adults who have to well, be adult about every damn thing in life. Everything that you did as a child : eating mud, running behind squirrels, sneezing and not bothering to clean your nose after, eating off of the floor, pelting stones at the mangoes in the neighbour's garden, chasing away stray dogs, shouting at the top of your voice from the terrace. Everything. All of it suddenly becomes taboo for your own children when you are adulting. When you become a parent, you suddenly acquire a (false?) sense of responsibility which lets you to believe that you need to stop your babies and kids from doing certain things. But think back. When you were stopped back when you were kids, did you stop? And even if you did stop, did you like that person who brought about that change in your life? No right! Assess yourself then. Why lead a lifetime that are two ends of a polar opposite. Why not find your own way!

If you want to be oxymoronic, be weirdly normal. Not  passive aggressive or typically weird.

See you tomorrow with the next letter in the daily blogging challenge. Until then.

Cheers,
D.