#ShaadiSeries : The Honeymoon Ritual

The Honeymoon Ritual is the last and probably the most unnecessary ritual of the wedding extravaganza!

I have seen a LOT of couples actually delaying their wedding dates so that coincide with a more favourable time to travel. Dates have been pushed back and forth trying to accommodate a 'so-called' honeymoon budget. The idea of a honeymoon or to simply put 'a post-wedding holiday' was to give the married couple some space and time to understand and get accustomed to each other in their respective living spaces before actually starting a life together. With time, the notion has evolved and spouses are usually more relaxed with each other by the time they are married.

The Honeymoon Ritual, however, refuses to evolve! Now the idea of a honeymoon is so done to death, that it revolves around the frantic search for an exotic location that very little people in your Facebook friend's list have been to. And it has to be some place exotic because when you tag yourself there with your new spouse, you have to garner at least a 100 reactions on social media. Otherwise, you are not doing honeymoon right. To each, their own. I agree. But when people (read married people) judge you and your marriage based on your honeymoon destination, that gets to me.

You may have worked this out by now but yes, I never did a honeymoon. My husband and I chose to stay put and rejoin work as soon as the wedding festivities were over. Let me straighten one thing out though. I am all for the holiday! I mean, who does not like a vacation. But the idea of a fully loaded honeymoon was just too much for us to handle and we did away with it. Instead, we jumped head on into life, making fortnightly weekend getaways a more frequent habit. 

If only, people (read married people) left us alone! 

Months into the marriage, they still rant on about how I missed an opportunity to have fun for once in my life, especially with the baby on its way. So wait, you are questioning my ability to cope with a honeymoon-less life and are also telling me very slyly that my life 'with the baby and a husband' will be bonkers? My God! Opportunity lost? Not. And here is why! 

First, personally spending thousands, lakhs even, on a glorified holiday is just not acceptable to me. Call me stingy, but when every honeymoon-related package comes to you at 250% more than it's original cost, I would rather be home watching random Kung-fu movies with a husband who loves the television as much as I do.

Second, there is no dearth of chemistry and magic in our marriage. I have burnt more meals in the kitchen than anyone has and we have been getting more takeaways from restaurants and eating them in solitary confinement watching Modern Family re-runs, just the two of us. That, right there, is our honeymoon.

and Third, it is totally a personal choice!

I am not taking a dig at honeymooners in general, party all you want, I could not be happier for you. But it is the sympathisers that need to back off a little. Next time before you go all googly-sympathetic faced for someone who haven't had their honeymoon, restrain yourself. They have their reasons. Heck, they may even be smarter than you think.

And NO, a missed honeymoon is not a lost opportunity. It is just another wedding ritual some of us decided to skip.

#ShaadiSeries : 11 Things I would have done differently in my wedding

Right now, I am 9 months into my wedding but most days I feel like it only happened yesterday. But then there are times it feels like it was years ago, what with all that is happening in life at such a fast pace. Looking back at my wedding, I do have regrets about how I planned things and how things finally went down around me.

I remembered vividly, a week into the wedding, that I completely forgot to make personal phone-calls to people I intended to invite. And then there were times during the week-long wedding celebrations when things were completely unplanned and a lot of the pre-wedding functions just happened to pass by with nothing more than a whisper. No hullabaloo, no pomp. So now, after months of making mental notes about it, I finally decided to share my take on a few things that I would have done differently in my wedding. If you are a bride-to-be or are helping out a bride in planning her wedding, in one or more ways, most of these things will apply to your scenario as well. So read on!

1. Wedding Lehenga woes

Like most potential brides, I wanted a wedding lehenga that was nothing less than a show-stopper. As soon as my wedding date was fixed, I jumped on to Pinterest and started pinning (like crazy) images of wedding outfits that were breathtaking! When you start discovering lehenga designs online, take into account the type of lehenga you want and the budget you want it in. You might want a raw silk designer lehenga or a lightweight georgette flowy lehenga from a local boutique, they all differ in prices and designs. I went lehenga shopping with a blank canvas in the mind and absolutely no idea about what I wanted. And therefore I ended up loving and buying a beautiful but heavily embroidered designer lehenga that was too huge for my overweight frame which stood stiff when worn. Considering my body type, I should have chosen a lightweight flowy lehenga but by the time I realised that, I had already made a pretty big investment in the earlier lehenga.

2. Better Photography options

Alas! This is one thing I will regret forever!!! Being a candid photographer myself, I know the importance of choosing the right photographer for the job otherwise key moments from your event get missed out and are never caught on frame. I made the biggest mistake of hiring an event organiser to handle the photography and cinematography departments. Not only did I never get to meet the photographer in person to discuss the photographs I wanted taken at the wedding, but also I did not get the key getting ready shots which I was absolutely looking forward to. Agreed that the photographers today charge a lot more than traditional photographers did back in the day, but do spare some time to find the right photographer that fit your budget. And always meet with them in person to understand their vision and work before you commit to them.

3. Planning and Delegation

This is the biggest problem people like me have. I take up all the work on my own and hate delegating work in the fear that others might end up ruining it. Turns out, I ruined a lot of things on my own because everything was too much for me to handle. Reach out to friends who live locally and ask them for help with wedding preparations. I was mostly on my own for most part of the 6 months wedding planning time and hence ended up taking all the responsibility till the last minute. Keep yourself totally work-free especially in the two weeks before the D-Day. I was running errands till a day before the wedding celebrations began and that messed up my already raging nerves.

4. Mehendi function

Believe it or not, I do not have one photograph of my Mehendi function where I look anywhere close to a bride-to-be. My hair is tied in a sock-bun, I am wearing my workout clothes and my face is lacklustre and gaunt. To top it all, I was an emotional wreck trying to allocate mehendi-waalis to the wedding guests and running hither tither before I finally sat myself down to get on with the mehendi myself. Though my camera made rounds, not one person managed to take a good photograph during the function and so those adorable pictures I had pinned of beautiful after-mehendi shots months ago never actually happened. I only blame myself.

5. Personal Invitations

I mentioned this earlier as well. I emailed and texted people inviting for the wedding, I communicated with them that I would email them the coordinates to the venue and surprise surprise, I never emailed most of them those coordinates. I also totally forgot to personally call a bunch of people in all the pre-wedding madness. Yes, I had a list prepared and everything but it totally slipped my mind to call back those numbers that were unavailable the first time. A total bummer on my part. The best thing for handing out those personal invites would have been to step on them 4 weeks before the D-day so that all fronts were covered!

6. LISTS LISTS LISTS!

I had lists. This is one thing I am very proud of actually. I made all the darned lists. But in effect those lists did not really get worked on completely as they were all just restricted to me, my mum and my aunt. I cannot emphasise enough on the importance of having help in organising the wedding. Share lists, prioritise work and let your ego disappear when you have to ask for help during your wedding preparation. Trust me, work distributed is sorted much faster. WhatsApp groups and email blasts are your best friends in this time.

7. Bridal Shower

Do not wait on your friends to organise a bridal shower or throw a surprise bachelorette party. Most times, if you do not let your friends and family know that you are expecting a celebration, chances are you will not get one. I made this misjudgement about an impending shower and having realised I wasn't going to get one, I put together a last minute dinner date with a few friends and that was it. If like me, you have the biggest expectations and love being pampered, make sure to let a couple of your closest friends know exactly that.

8. Family time

Do not be so caught up in the arrangements and preparation that you are unable to give your mum and dad some love and attention right before you scoot off into your new life. I regret not having a family fun night with my mum and my family before the wedding. I do make up for it every time I spend weekends with them after the wedding, but I did lose out on the key pre-wedding bonding time with the family.

9. Stick to the budget

If you are making a budget, you are making it for a reason. Stick to it and when you feel like going past that, pinch yourself hard and take a step back. I did not go crazy bonkers above the budget I set for myself but I did spend more than I needed to and unnecessary expenses will always come back to bite you.

10. Allocate realistic makeup time

By realistic, I do not mean hours together but an hour should be more than enough for you to get ready especially if you are in between functions. For me, it was the brief time between the Pooja and the Reception that I was given. I had 20 minutes to change into the lehenga, change jewellery and makeup. And so, in all the rushed madness, I forgot to adorn the two things I specially bought to complement my wedding outfit - a customised second dupatta and a nose ring which I bought after a painstaking search that spanned three months. Sucks, right!

11. Be the Queen and give your King all the attention

Not only did I lose out on the chance of playing queen for a month, but also I practically lived like a commoner trying to manage expectations during that time. I got so caught up trying to make everything perfect that I totally ignored my husband during a lot of them pre-wedding and wedding proceedings. Kudos to him for marrying me in spite of me being an insufferable control freak.

Listen up Brides! Let yourself go and be the queen for the entire time you are the designated bride-to-be because this time in your life will never come back! 

Until next time,
Cheers!
D

#ShaadiSeries : Mehendi-ed

I had a difficult time zeroing in on a lot of vendors that I had needed help from during my wedding and finding the right Mehendi artist was one of them. I have a full figure body and naturally my hands are quite big which according to a lot of mehendi artists are a gold mine for them as they provide a bigger canvas to draw various complex and ornate designs. So when a friend suggested a mehendi artist to me, I got in touch with her and we sat down to brainstorm a few Mehendi designs that she could use for me. Let me divulge the readers in a little background here.



In Indian traditions, applying mehendi or henna is embraced as the most ornamental way of getting yourself ready for an occasion. No matter how big or small the festivity, there is an inlaid compulsion for the women in the household to get their hands and feet tattooed with henna. Like all other arts, Mehendi too has evolved a great deal over the years. In earlier days, women plucked out the leaves off of the mehendi plant and ground them into a paste and applied it onto their palms and feet in simple round designs. As the tradition furthered, mehendi came to be ground even finer, put into plastic or polythene cones and was applied on the hand in the form of elaborate designs. Over the years, mehendi cones have been selling commercially in stores all over the country and even abroad where the trend of temporary henna tattoos has really caught on. Mehendi designs too have evolved over this time, from basic traditional to modern contemporary designs like Arabic design.

So there we sat pondering over Mehendi Designs and I came across this mobile application called Ethnico. It was amazing as it had a plethora of ideas I could use for my own wedding mehendi application. We also found a lot of design inspirations for the rest of my family who had mehendi applied both in Arabic Style and Traditional. I selected a few designs that were my favorite from the list and I think anyone who is looking at getting bridal mehendi applied must consider these designs:

1. This ornate Leg Mehendi

​2. This beautiful Bridal Mehendi with incorporations like the Bride, Groom, Shehnai and the Palanquin in the Mehendi. I eventually ended up getting mehendi applied very similar to this one.

3. Basic Arabic Mehendi Designs like this one

There I had it, my problem well taken care of by this really resourceful website that I came across. I recommend the Ethnico app to anyone who is looking for traditional Indian design inspirations. Head over to their website http://www.ethnicoapp.com/ or download their app. I am sure you will not be disappointed.

#ShaadiSeries : When it's not your party!

I have missed this. Typing incessantly without a worry in the world about having to sound coherent or sensible. 

Back to business! I have a stable WiFi connection now, which allows me to work, connect and blog. So, Hurrah! For the uninformed, I have been married for over three months now and I am in the middle of what most people call 'adjustment'. With that being taken care of rather healthily, I spend a lot of the free time I have thinking about my wedding hullabaloo. I'll be honest here. I have always wanted a huge wedding, complete with the functions and the fun and the laughter. The works. And now that I look back on the week when it actually happened I realise bit by bit that it was nothing short of a dream. At times, I sailed through the days as if I was looking down upon what was happening as an onlooker.

But most of it was not my party, and if you have been through the wedding process you know what I mean. While a wedding and all the functions are supposed to be about the ones who are getting married, the ones who are about to tie the knot hardly get to have as much fun as the others. They do not even get to have a say in the proceedings lest you want that glaring look from that random auntyji silently imploring you to zip it! You are either too laid-back to even care or too hyper that you try and control everything that happens. There will be people, relatives mostly, who will be up and about trying to find a flaw in the proceedings or as the famous phrase goes - ungli karna. I, for one, did manage to transform into my obsessive self and pretty much try and get a control over everything that was happening. As it is I was doomed to have a nerve wrecking time being the bride, on top of that, I wreaked upon myself the burden of making sure everything happens smoothly. The realisation dawned quite late so to say, but I am here making a public service announcement to all the new brides-to-be.

You will have butterflies and you will want it all to be a fairytale but do not be the one who has to make sure that happens. Delegate chores, relax and sit back. Your job is to get dressed on time and show up, let your friends and cousins and your family fret about the details. Trust me when I say this, but candid pictures of you frowning over a table arrangement gone wrong is the last wedding memory you need. Voice your concerns to your loved ones beforehand (like a fortnight before the D-day) and let it go because when you are getting married, your mantra to live by should be just that. It may not be your party, but it sure is the most important day of your life. Have at it that way. 

#ShaadiSeries : I did my own make-up!

When I first set out to look for a make-up artist who would help me deck up for the wedding, I looked EVERYWHERE! I even considered, for a fraction of a second, to hire a professional cinema level artist even if it paid a bomb. But then I wanted all that time I spent on Youtube and Pinterest to be as productive as possible so in spite of being a newbie to make-up, I decided to be my own make-up artist. To be honest, I did not ever meet a bride who told me that she managed successfully with a make-up regime of her own but I told myself I was going to crack it and so I did. The month leading up to the wedding, a number of my acquaintances and friends were tying the knot. I was figuratively mortified when I saw some of them made-up faces. Glowing 'post uptan and haldi' faces hiding beneath an inch of high-definition foundation and concealer. The natural blush was covered and a fake one was given courtesy a M.A.C blush. Those horrendous black smokey eyes on a hot pink lehenga and eyebrows that were drawn jet black. Everything about these brides sadly was unreal and dissatisfying. This became another reason why I went on to choose what I did. Also, I have a blemish free skin and fortunately for me the only base I need for my make-up is some BB cream and compact powder. I will not take all the credit because I did get a lot of help from my friends and cousins in getting dressed with them donning roles of assistants, hairdressers and make-up professionals on the D-Day but it was all worth it. 

Here are the looks from the three big wedding functions where I managed to do my own make-up (well, almost) 

My baby sister cherry came in to for a final showcase of the look after I was done and went on to put blush on my cheeks for the final effect.

My best friend Khansa came in like a genie on the Reception day and with the skill of an artist helped me out with some basic contouring for a slightly more finished look. All the days, another one of my besties Meeta, did my hair. For draping the dupatta and the saree, I had MAJOR help from my cousin Jyothi and Bua.

It all fell together beautifully and I don't think I could have managed to look as natural and glowing as this if I had opted for professional salon make-up.

But if you are planning to go the same way that I did, always keep in mind that you are not a bridezilla in the making who might just have a mega meltdown on the D-day if things do not go your way. Always be on the lookout for a eye-liner related mishap. Also, doing your own work on your wedding is not what a lot of brides consider ideal and if you are one of those, get a professional and don't pay heed to what I just said.

I intend to rant a lot more about my shaadi in this series. Stay tuned for the next one! Until then, tata!

D

#ShaadiSeries : What I wore

Being a plus size bride is a nightmare in itself. Not counting the limited number of options you have clothes-wise, there is also a flurry of opinions from shopkeepers and stylists urging you to 'settle' for the options you have. One can argue that we can get clothes designed and stitched, but I am a fan of trying on clothes and the whole charade of playing dress-up. 

Here is a breakdown of the outfits I wore for the wedding hullabaloo! 

My maasi (mother's sister) helped me find this very beautiful anarkali style floor length. It came in the red-pink colour and has a gold embroidered bodice. It also has a detailed and embellished neckline saving me the trouble of dressing it up with a necklace. I chose to wear this at a pre-wedding dinner with the family and accessorized it with these gorgeous earrings by Vastradi Jewels. This dress was picked up from a private designer boutique in Bangalore. 

Earrings by Vastradi

For another pre-wedding function, Moong Bikhrai which marks the official beginning of all wedding preparations, I chose to go funky. I opted for this straight fit long orange kurta that I bought from CottonZone in Hyderabad. Since I believe in 'Go big or go home' when it comes to accessorizing, I decided to sport this pharoah inspired neck-piece I bought from BlissBox last year. It made my simple kurta pop and had me function ready in seconds.

This 4 toned ombre saree with gota and thread work running along the border is my dream! I bought it from a store called Patrani in Bada Bazaar in Kolkata.

For my Sangeet function, I wanted a dress that was flowy and worthy of a princess. I did not want a lehenga because that would make dancing a real pain and who wants that! This floor length gold anarkali gown is all shimmer and all love. The pink in the dupatta and the dress pops like magic. I bought it from Mebaz in Hyderabad. This store is a haven for partywear gowns and anarkalis and offers the largest variety in terms of sizes and range. You can get the same dress here! 

For the wedding pooja, I wore this Baby pink crepe-silk with a fuchsia pink and gold border. I bought this from Bangalore

My Reception outfit is a raw silk lehenga in coral-orange-red colour family and it is beyond gorgeous. Bought this from Kolkata as well. But this outfit is so very special that I think I will have to do a separate post only for this!

That is it for the clothes! Sometimes I wish I had a longer wedding only so that I got to doll-up for every occasion. 

For the next of my posts in the #ShaadiSeries, do stay tuned!

Love, 

D