The demons of the post-partem times

Everyone speaks about how wonderful it is to have a baby and how amazing being a mother feels. For all those who have been following my blog will concur with the fact that all the information you have from me about having a baby and the times after that are all fun and merry work. But it is not entirely that. Post delivery challenges are real and affect mostly everyone. If you meet a mother, who admits to having sailed through without a hiccup, the time after she delivered her baby, she is either too strong willed to accept defeat or she is just too proud to accept that anything was off. 

Let me make one thing very clear. Getting pregnant and having a baby are the two most rewarding experiences of a mother's lives. When I talk about the downside of post delivery experiences, I do not in anyway undermine the joy of birth. I am merely making the reader aware of what a new mother goes through in varying proportions. 

Here are some demons that the new mother faces head-on with the arrival of the baby:

1) Post partem depression

Post partem depression or PPD is real and grips women when they are least suspecting it. The counter to PPD is given as, 'she just had a baby, how can she be sad?' Well, women who are diagnosed with PPD do not hate their babies. In fact, they succumb to PPD because of the baby in their lives. Suddenly, a life depends on them for its well being and health and that overtakes every other thing on the mother's mind. Multiply that feeling of responsibility with raging pregnancy hormones in the system and you have a mother who is too weepy, emotional, angry and frustrated all at the same time. Add to that, being sleep deprived does not help the new mothers one bit. I, for one, am the most non-weepy person there is. I did not shed one tear or feel all too overwhelmed when I heard the baby's first cry and saw her in the box but I cried my eyes out the first night I sat through nursing the baby. Hormones. Luckily, I had the support of my husband and the family to help me with the baby and I was back to my normal cynical self. 

2) Neglect

A lot of women feel neglect when the new baby arrives as the focus of everyone's attention is not her anymore. Not that women are attention seekers but having gone though rigorous labor or a c sec surgery makes mommies a tad too emotional and needy. The feeling of neglect grows manifold especially when the husband decides to pay extra attention to the baby instead of her. A little advise to the new Papas. For the first couple of weeks post-delivery, go out of your way to make your woman feel special. Just little somethings like flowers, a backrub, chocolates or a simple pat on the cheek. The feeling of being neglected with subside substantially and she will not feel sidestepped. 

3) Overwhelm

A new mother in many cases is a proud mother. Today, women are well read and well informed. A little too informed actually. But having a baby is not about how well you know your shizz, it's about hands on knowledge. 

4) Under the scanner
A new mom is always under the scanner. What she does, how she raises the baby, the decisions she takes to that end, everything is being judged right from day one. And that is not a pleasant situation. A new mother needs to be advised only when she seeks the same from you. And you are out to give her some unsolicited advise, then be gentle and humble about it. She is already a sack of emotions and raging hormones. Do not judge her and put her to distress. Be supportive. 

5) Mommy-shaming

A mother does not choose to not breastfeed her baby. But sometimes due to various reasons (which she may choose to divulge or not) the mother chooses formula for her child instead of direct breastfeeding. DO NOT SHAME HER. She is looking out for her baby and whatever made her decide to go a certain way, let's leave the mother to it, shall we! Also, it took me a little over a week to feel emotionally connected with my little one. I had no immediate 'motherly' feelings taking over my mind as soon as I saw her, it took me time to get there. And I am glad I was not judged for the same. I eventually became the textbook version of a mother: overprotective, nursing, making goo-goo eyes at the baby. And that happened only because I was allowed to live with myself and not shamed for anything. 

Next time you meet a new mother, greet her with warmth and preferably a chocolate. There is nothing in the world that chocolate cannot cure.

Until next time,
D

10 Random things-to-do!

This is for you. 
And you. 
You, as well.
10 Random things-to-do. Everyday. Or just today. Whatever!

HELL YESSS!

1. Tell someone they have a charming smile. Also, smile more often yourself. It is infectious. It is important, however, to know when to retract that smile. You do not want to be that weird guy who smiles that constant psychopath smile ALL the time.

2. Make conversation with that small vendor you see outside your apartment everyday. Ask him how his day was, politely. If he seems sour, just give him an encouraging 'koi baat nai, chalta hain' and walk away.

3. Greet the watchman and the lift-man in your office with a dazzling 'Good Morning' everyday if you can. It's a no harm done move. They like to feel important and you are giving them just that. 

4. Say 'Thank you' for the smallest courtesy offered to you. Be consistent but not overly enthusiastic about it. You want to seem courteous, not bat-shit crazy.

5. Call/text your parents and just ask them how their day was going. If you are someone who does not do this often, you might alarm them with questions of such concern. Reassure them that all is well and you are just generally trying to be nice.

6. Wave to a child/toddler on your transit. But do not be the creepy dude who gives them chocolates. Avoid them chocolates.

7. If you want to grocery shop, make a day of it. BigBasket your products only if you are swamped like crazy. There is no equivalent to physical shopping. EVER! 

8. Once a weekend, go out and play a sport for hours together. Does not matter if you play hide-and-go-seek with the apartment kids, what matters is that you revisit that playful side of you every once in a while.

9. Dance. And Sing. Even if you have two left feet and the voice that could put a frog's croak to shame, sing and dance like your life depends on it. Whether you do it in solitary confinement or full public view is a personal choice. 

10. Cook. Learn to cook different cuisines. Or pretend, maybe. And if all that fails, order food in and have a good laugh over your failed culinary attempt.

Do it and pass it forward. A chain reaction of all things happy is what we need the most today! Making someone else happy is rewarding, even just a little bit. And when it does a full circle and comes back to you, you will know you have made a lot of people smile and laugh along the way.

A little more joy did no one harm! 

Acceptance and busting Pregnancy-related Myths

I have never complied by rules on the first go. If someone asks me to do something a certain way, I first do the opposite and then if that does not bode well with me I will return to do things the way I was first asked to do. So naturally, my first instinct is usually to revolt and if that does not work, I recede.

So when I found out I was pregnant, I was bombarded with all sorts of dos and don'ts that I needed to take care of for the impending gestation period. Not just people, the books and the websites and every little material I read and saw tried to put me off certain things more than anything. And being the natural 'chill'er in life, I paid little or no attention to most advice that was doled out to me. 

It was then that my husband pointed out a general flaw in my personality that I characteristically emote disapproval through my face more often than I need to and that hit home! Even though my intention was not such, my face emoted my detachment from the advise as soon as it was given to me. I decided to be a little more accepting of things that were said to me, especially by family, because of course they mean well and 'all they want is good health for you and the baby', I told myself. 

So with time, I adopted a more tolerant attitude toward said things but I did not completely shed my disapproving behaviour. I transformed into a more logical self, analysing things I was told to do and adjusting them to suit the needs of the baby and me. It was in the course of these meticulous 5 months of analysing, over analysing, incessantly reading and personal experiences that I came to realise that some pregnancy related advice are essentially myths.  

1. The Great 'Khatta khaane ka mann' logic
No, you do not suddenly want to eat all the achaar and the khatta imli when you conceive. Some have the hankering for sweet food and some for savoury. I, for one, oscillated between the two. You feel like eating a lot of sour things to basically ease the first trimester nausea but that too, for some women, is a temp thing which last a couple of weeks.

2. Sleeping on your right is a strict NO-NO
Yes, the doctors will advise you to avoid sleeping on your back. Sleeping on your back compromises the blood flow to the uterus and the baby. Also, towards the end of the third trimester, your lungs will feel burdened if you sleep on your back and so your cuddle up on your side. But one of the scariest things I have heard is that sleeping on your right results in the birth of a still-born. I have met with a fair few doctors and practitioners in my present term and there is no medical proof backing this claim. 

3. The many many legends of guessing the baby's gender
The silver chain and ring test, the sweet-savoury craving test, the shape of the tummy test. There are all kinds of small little legends that people have to determine the gender of the baby. Personally, my husband and I never really put a lot of thought into it. When someone tries to predict the gender of the baby, I laugh it off by saying that there is at least a 50% chance they are right. Either way.

4. You have got to eat for two!
No! You have got to eat healthy, being an expecting mum. And the doctor will advise you of the same after taking into consideration your medical history. And when they tell you to eat for two, pile on the nutrition, not the portion size! 

5. Pile on the kilos
Not all mommys-to-be need to put on anywhere between 10 to 15 kilos while preparing themselves for the baby. You can put on anywhere between 5 to 18 kilos but the range is decided upon by your doctor after taking your BMI into account. Since I am an overweight woman, I have been advised to gain weight in the 5-8 kilo bracket. With the right food, exercise and activity, the less than needed gain weight does not affect the baby at all.

6. Do not drive!
Agreed that the first couple of months, you are on tenterhooks about the whole driving thing. You want to but you are too scared to and so you completely do not. But personally, driving is something which is a lot more convenient than riding a bike (which you should avoid because of increased accident risks) Take a couple of months off in the beginning if you are unsure, but you can resume driving if your back feels fine. Plus the kick from driving is more soothing than anything else.

7. The third trimester will only make you look and feel unattractive.
Maybe. But not always. Pregnancy glow is not a thing abundantly found among women. In that case, use makeup to your rescue. And yes, you will feel tired most of the time but lean on your husband to lift up your spirits when you are feeling unattractive (read troll-like)

Before you take my word for it entirely, these are the things I have generally found to be non-applicable in my case. But if you do try to google their authenticity, you will find at least one hit on the first page that will debunk my claim as well. So, like me, do venture out to make your pregnancy your own personal experience than being chained to some age-old things you are forced to comply by. And do this whilst being accepting of all opinions. 

Cheers! 
D

5 unexpected ways your body changes during Pregnancy!

Cruising through the last month of pregnancy is turning out to be quite uneventful apart from the fact that I am suddenly very aware of every little thing that happens to my body. Apart from the obvious physical changes(duh!) that an expecting mother's body goes through during the nine months, some changes in my body took me by surprise. Read on! 

1. Nose

I am not making this up! And this is no exclusive occurrence either. If you have known an expecting mother, ask her about it and she will deny it happens. But then ask her to compare the pictures of her pregnant self with those of her pre-pregnancy self and you will have given her an epiphany. Most new moms are unaware that our noses grow in size when we cruise through the second trimester into the third. However, it is ironic that the growing nose contributes very little to the stuffy, breathless feeling we get towards the end of the third trimester because the baby grows giving your lungs very little space to function to their full capacity. Makes that growing nose feel quite redundant, doesn't it!!

2. Clumsy limbs

As the baby bump grows, your centre of gravity shifts and your body threatens to double over and fall more than usual. So like me if you have had a clumsy bone all throughout your life, things will only go downhill from here. My brain and limbs have ceased to coordinate and I just drop things while I am holding them, and for no apparent reason. They just slip out of my grip. I am not being even slightly hyperbolic when I say this. As if maintaining a healthy hand-eye-leg coordination was not enough, the pregnancy brain is totally giving me away! 

Also, pregnancy brain is the real deal! 

3. Jawline

If you are past the 30 week mark, congratulations, you now do not have a jawline. Except if you are a supermodel or a fitness freak in which case, I hate you! With the expanding nose and aching teeth, I now have a chubby round baby's butt for a jawline. Smiling or not, my face resembles a full blown balloon which is legit cool given I am pregnant and everything.  

4. Foot size

I have not had the aching swollen feet and ankles but heck I have the curse of the pregnancy feet. Any other footwear variation that is not a flip-flop feel like thorns and fashion sense literally gets thrown out the window. Bye-bye high fashion and street style footwear choices and hello man-slippers. My foot has increased by one size and flip-flops are nirvana. Socks, on the other hand, are murder. Because, heat!

5. Nails

The nails grow at an alarming rate and behold! they are strong and anything but brittle. Think about all those amazing matte mail polishes you can wear and flaunt with them perfect nails. But as luck would have it, when your maternal instincts kick in in the third semester, anything remotely sharp will make it to the garbage can and there go the 'perfect nails'. Get ready for months of non-manicured hands because baby comes first.

Anything you have felt out of the ordinary during your term of pregnancy which has not made it to this list, let me know. I have a nagging feeling in the back of my head that this list will need some constant updating. 

Until the next post in this series, Cheers! 
D

#TrendAlert : Aiyoh!

Ringing in the Tuesday with a blog post about something that is not very fashionable to talk about at the moment. Colloquialism is something we are all guilty of, but we are often unaware of having indulged in it. With ours being a country of diverse regional pools and having multiple language influences, it is only normal when the occasional 'yaar' or 'abey' creeps into our conversations without us even realising it. It is now even considered to cool to incorporate such slangs in your speech and informal texting language. What I love about the colloquial language is that it is our own and it gives us a sense of familiarity and comfort when we converse in it that the regular spoken english just can not.

source: www.indianmeme.com

Why this rant about colloquial language all of a sudden? Because one of our dearest 'regular use' words has left the echelons of colloquial language and joined the supremes. Yes! I am talking about the word 'AIYOH!'

Last week, Oxford dictionary released its list of new September words and it featured new entries like Yogasana and our beloved Aiyoh! To be honest, it does not really matter much to the aam junta but to the Indian purists who swear by the Oxford dictionary like a holy scripture, this is a big moment. By adding this word to the official Oxford records, the word now stands to get more acceptance.

More than anything, I am afraid of the misuse that 'Aiyoh' will be put to from now on. It is going to be used a lot more by that pretentious group of people in a party who sip on cocktails named after tools and talk about boycotting Chinese products while taking selfies on an iPhone that was incidentally assembled in China. And the next time Chetan Bhagat0 gets picked on for writing shit in the name of literature, they will point us to that one paragraph in their books where they used 'Aiyoh' : even before the word got picked up by the Oxford dict. "I am a visionary" he will claim. And what a sad day for Indian literature that will be. Arnab Goswami will use it in the course of time, driving us up the wall. The innocence of the word will eventually get lost in the maddening frenzy and what was just an adorable way to express exasperation will boil down to being a word like any other.    

For us regular Lucys, there is just the one upside that comes out of this move from the Oxford dict. New word to make on the Scrabble board! Yay.

Bring back in trend, the lost art of spelling correctly!

I missed publishing this post on Tuesday because it was my birthday and I was in an overly indulgent mood. So I quit working, planning or any activity in general and parked myself on the sofa with my phone and the television. Like I promised last week, I am continuing this week with talking about (and in this case, criticising) the hottest trend on the block. New Generation Grammar-less language.

First there was SMS. With it came a frightening trend. SMS lingo! Right became r8, hate became h8, happy brithday god bless you became 'hbd gbu'. At the time, this certain transition may have seemed the most logical thing to do as the keypads were alphanumeric and typing was, honestly, a pain in the ass. But what excuse does this generation have for typing words and making grammatical errors when there is spellcheck and a Qwerty keypad. What is worse that these very people talk in the same language they text in which is a disgrace. I have had younger people, meaning kids younger than me, come to me and blurt out incoherent sentences like 'I got swag bruh!'..... I mean, who talks like that. You text using this language and vocabulary because 1) in a textual exchange no one gets to hear you being an ass and 2) for some reason, it is cool to type like this.

I beg to differ.

Both in person and virtually, if someone uses SWAG in a sound conversation, I will legit punch them in the face. I cringe when someone types HBD to wish me on my birthday. Seriously, what good comes off those two seconds that you saved by not typing the two word HAPPY BIRTHDAY phrase. Then there are those who still have not left behind the alphanumeric keypad. Thanks to their immense and wide mental prowess, they replace the word TO with 2, the letter O with a zero and GREAT with gr8. The worst kind of people are the ones who actually say LOL instead of the conventional ha-ha. Oh wait, how do I forget the largest congregation of vocabulary defaulters! Those who have forgotten how to spell basic words like 'like' and 'this'.

Riddle me this, in this era of super intelligent computers and smart phones, how does one even fall prey to such unabashed foolishness. Why? To sound cool? Or to be a peer favourite. News flash!!! Talking or texting like this does not make anyone sound cooler. In fact, you are being judged heavily. People like me who like their sentences framed correctly with the least grammatical errors possible: we will not take you seriously. And with the internet being a wide open stage, two years down the line when you are applying for your dream job at a top firm, your poorly word-constructed tweets from the past will come biting you in the backside. So there is that.

Let me give you a simple example.
When we, grammar lovers, read a sentence that goes:

''I am lyk dis nly, luv me 0r h8 me, dis is mah lyf''

In our minds, it gets translated to:

''F*** ***!"

Don't complain later that no one tried to warn you about this.

P.S. I understand that there is a possibility that there may be grammatical errors in this post. Feel free to let me know in the comments section. I will not hate you. I swear. It will only make me like you more.

The Anti-Teacher

I am the anti-teacher.

I am not anti teachers. I am the anti-teacher.

Having been a teacher myself for about 18 months, I understand the dilemma teachers are faced in the early stages of their teaching career. To be strict or not. To be the loved teacher or the frowny disciplined one. Before you chance upon the thought in your head that a teacher can be both strict and fun at the same time, let me stop you right there! A fun-strict teacher is a myth. What you may be thinking about is a teacher with a bipolar disorder with occasional ticks towards the two extremes whilst being a teacher. I was the fun one. Well, I wanted to think I was the fun one. I was the fresh graduate who, within a year, began teaching under-graduate students. Technically my super-super juniors. With not so much of an age difference between the students and myself, I started off on a chilled-out note with my class. A month went by quite breezy.

"This is so easy!", I thought happily.

Then one day, I snapped. When the class was particularly boisterous one morning, I ended up losing my head and shouting my frustration out. I did not call the class a 'fish market', I went for something a tad more creative and unique. (As a dear student, now friend, reminds me every year on Teachers' Day, I called them buffaloes)

I am not proud in the least of what I did because the pressure of being the cool teacher broke me. And this was just a couple of months into being a teacher. From that day on, I tried to oscillate between roles. The fun one some days, the strict one the other. But as far as I can look back at my stint and analyse, I just scraped by as an average teacher. The bipolarity of being a teacher coincided with the flaws in my personality and it spelled disaster. Nevertheless, I did have small successes, something which gives me solace. I did end up making sure academia was the focus and when I was through being a teacher, I came out of the college with more friends than leaving behind students.

This is the reason why I call myself the anti-teacher. Because in spite of how easy being a teacher looks, it is the most difficult job in the world. For someone like me who has tried a lot of different career paths in the last 9 years, this is the job I was most challenged with.

Like I said before, I did have glorious stints as a teacher. A year into the profession and I was getting a better understanding of the position I held. And yet, I knew that when I would quit, I would never want to be a teacher again. Teaching is the hardest profession there is because as a teacher, you are responsible for imparting knowledge and wisdom. And despite being aware of their responsibility, they have to be one of the most humble people you will ever meet in your life. For this realisation alone, I have the most respect for the teachers in my life. From home to kindergarten to college and photography school after, I have had the pleasure of being guided by brilliant teachers who have moulded my personality into what it is today.

Thank you Teachers.

#ShaadiSeries : 11 Things I would have done differently in my wedding

Right now, I am 9 months into my wedding but most days I feel like it only happened yesterday. But then there are times it feels like it was years ago, what with all that is happening in life at such a fast pace. Looking back at my wedding, I do have regrets about how I planned things and how things finally went down around me.

I remembered vividly, a week into the wedding, that I completely forgot to make personal phone-calls to people I intended to invite. And then there were times during the week-long wedding celebrations when things were completely unplanned and a lot of the pre-wedding functions just happened to pass by with nothing more than a whisper. No hullabaloo, no pomp. So now, after months of making mental notes about it, I finally decided to share my take on a few things that I would have done differently in my wedding. If you are a bride-to-be or are helping out a bride in planning her wedding, in one or more ways, most of these things will apply to your scenario as well. So read on!

1. Wedding Lehenga woes

Like most potential brides, I wanted a wedding lehenga that was nothing less than a show-stopper. As soon as my wedding date was fixed, I jumped on to Pinterest and started pinning (like crazy) images of wedding outfits that were breathtaking! When you start discovering lehenga designs online, take into account the type of lehenga you want and the budget you want it in. You might want a raw silk designer lehenga or a lightweight georgette flowy lehenga from a local boutique, they all differ in prices and designs. I went lehenga shopping with a blank canvas in the mind and absolutely no idea about what I wanted. And therefore I ended up loving and buying a beautiful but heavily embroidered designer lehenga that was too huge for my overweight frame which stood stiff when worn. Considering my body type, I should have chosen a lightweight flowy lehenga but by the time I realised that, I had already made a pretty big investment in the earlier lehenga.

2. Better Photography options

Alas! This is one thing I will regret forever!!! Being a candid photographer myself, I know the importance of choosing the right photographer for the job otherwise key moments from your event get missed out and are never caught on frame. I made the biggest mistake of hiring an event organiser to handle the photography and cinematography departments. Not only did I never get to meet the photographer in person to discuss the photographs I wanted taken at the wedding, but also I did not get the key getting ready shots which I was absolutely looking forward to. Agreed that the photographers today charge a lot more than traditional photographers did back in the day, but do spare some time to find the right photographer that fit your budget. And always meet with them in person to understand their vision and work before you commit to them.

3. Planning and Delegation

This is the biggest problem people like me have. I take up all the work on my own and hate delegating work in the fear that others might end up ruining it. Turns out, I ruined a lot of things on my own because everything was too much for me to handle. Reach out to friends who live locally and ask them for help with wedding preparations. I was mostly on my own for most part of the 6 months wedding planning time and hence ended up taking all the responsibility till the last minute. Keep yourself totally work-free especially in the two weeks before the D-Day. I was running errands till a day before the wedding celebrations began and that messed up my already raging nerves.

4. Mehendi function

Believe it or not, I do not have one photograph of my Mehendi function where I look anywhere close to a bride-to-be. My hair is tied in a sock-bun, I am wearing my workout clothes and my face is lacklustre and gaunt. To top it all, I was an emotional wreck trying to allocate mehendi-waalis to the wedding guests and running hither tither before I finally sat myself down to get on with the mehendi myself. Though my camera made rounds, not one person managed to take a good photograph during the function and so those adorable pictures I had pinned of beautiful after-mehendi shots months ago never actually happened. I only blame myself.

5. Personal Invitations

I mentioned this earlier as well. I emailed and texted people inviting for the wedding, I communicated with them that I would email them the coordinates to the venue and surprise surprise, I never emailed most of them those coordinates. I also totally forgot to personally call a bunch of people in all the pre-wedding madness. Yes, I had a list prepared and everything but it totally slipped my mind to call back those numbers that were unavailable the first time. A total bummer on my part. The best thing for handing out those personal invites would have been to step on them 4 weeks before the D-day so that all fronts were covered!

6. LISTS LISTS LISTS!

I had lists. This is one thing I am very proud of actually. I made all the darned lists. But in effect those lists did not really get worked on completely as they were all just restricted to me, my mum and my aunt. I cannot emphasise enough on the importance of having help in organising the wedding. Share lists, prioritise work and let your ego disappear when you have to ask for help during your wedding preparation. Trust me, work distributed is sorted much faster. WhatsApp groups and email blasts are your best friends in this time.

7. Bridal Shower

Do not wait on your friends to organise a bridal shower or throw a surprise bachelorette party. Most times, if you do not let your friends and family know that you are expecting a celebration, chances are you will not get one. I made this misjudgement about an impending shower and having realised I wasn't going to get one, I put together a last minute dinner date with a few friends and that was it. If like me, you have the biggest expectations and love being pampered, make sure to let a couple of your closest friends know exactly that.

8. Family time

Do not be so caught up in the arrangements and preparation that you are unable to give your mum and dad some love and attention right before you scoot off into your new life. I regret not having a family fun night with my mum and my family before the wedding. I do make up for it every time I spend weekends with them after the wedding, but I did lose out on the key pre-wedding bonding time with the family.

9. Stick to the budget

If you are making a budget, you are making it for a reason. Stick to it and when you feel like going past that, pinch yourself hard and take a step back. I did not go crazy bonkers above the budget I set for myself but I did spend more than I needed to and unnecessary expenses will always come back to bite you.

10. Allocate realistic makeup time

By realistic, I do not mean hours together but an hour should be more than enough for you to get ready especially if you are in between functions. For me, it was the brief time between the Pooja and the Reception that I was given. I had 20 minutes to change into the lehenga, change jewellery and makeup. And so, in all the rushed madness, I forgot to adorn the two things I specially bought to complement my wedding outfit - a customised second dupatta and a nose ring which I bought after a painstaking search that spanned three months. Sucks, right!

11. Be the Queen and give your King all the attention

Not only did I lose out on the chance of playing queen for a month, but also I practically lived like a commoner trying to manage expectations during that time. I got so caught up trying to make everything perfect that I totally ignored my husband during a lot of them pre-wedding and wedding proceedings. Kudos to him for marrying me in spite of me being an insufferable control freak.

Listen up Brides! Let yourself go and be the queen for the entire time you are the designated bride-to-be because this time in your life will never come back! 

Until next time,
Cheers!
D

SMILE!

We prize ourselves at being lovers of candid photographs. The beauty of a candid shot is that it is raw in emotion and purely an unadulterated excerpt of a memory. The same does not go for pictures that are posed-for. Photographs of people that are staged, as part of a photo-op or a professional photo shoot or with the plain intent of capturing a certain someone on frame with their knowledge lacks all the incentives that a candid photograph carries with it. Naturally with so much thought and effort being put behind a picture that is posed-for, you would except a smile flashing back at you most times. Right?

Alas!

Most people do not smile at the camera. And I hate it! To have to initiate a fun jeer in a group or having to coax people into smiling even slightly has turned into quite a task. Unless your photo-op demands you to look deadpan at the camera, I suggest you smile when a camera is pointed at you. Because when you smile, you are telling everyone, who will subsequently look at your picture later, that it took the least effort for you to do so. By flashing your grin, you are conveying a message that you are easy and friendly and not a serial killer in disguise. 

Be like babies. Babies take a second to smile and laugh. And laugh hysterically they will, because all they own is innocence and happiness. Bring that kind of a positive energy to a photograph; For it is a keepsake and not something that will disappear with the blink of an eye. 

Make the most of what little you have left of today and when someone you know asks you for a picture, pose and smile! And while you are at it, smile often. Smile when someone gets up to offer you a seat in the bus. Smile when someone stops the lift when they see you running so that you can get on. Lift your head from your phone and smile at your mum and your dad and tell them you love them. You need not do it all the time, but do it enough. 

And to make your day a little more cheerful, time for some pictures of my favourite Suhana and her happy happy smiles! 

What I thought about 'Harry Potter and the Cursed Child'

Before I start a rant of any kind, I need to come clean about one thing. I am a crazy, obesessed Potterhead. So when it comes to anything Harry Potter, I feel the need to embrace and defend it if need be.

So obviously when the news broke out of a possible eighth instalment of the series, I was over the moon. Ecstatic. And also extremely confused. Confused because Rowling had ended the seventh book with such finality that it seemed almost impossible that anything could ever go wrong again in the Potterverse future.

"The scar had not pained Harry for nineteen years. All was well."

But leave it to Rowling to weave a story so believable and true to the heart that makes you forget that you are actually reading a play's rehearsal script. 

For many who argue that this book is not written by J.K.Rowling, I hope to clear the air once and for all. She may have not written the play but she did provide the original story that eventually shaped the play as it is now. Give the woman some credit. 

It is only when you read the 'book', you will understand the nuances of each character in detail. They are the magnified, perfect imperfect versions of their old selves from twenty years back. Ron is still the goofy one and Hermione the bossy know-it-all. Ginny is brave and passionate and Harry, burdened and courageous. The introduction of new characters and their traits, especially with Albus and Scorpius is superbly handled. Draco is, well, Draco. We get to find out a lot more about the Dark Lord himself, which made for a very interesting read. 

I would have loved if Hagrid, Neville and Luna made an appearance but since this is a play, the focus on primary characters is understandable. Dumbledore makes feeble but important appearances throughout the book, only to hurl some wisdom and love at the 'Boy Who Lived'. You see Professor McGonagall in her stern element well too late into the book but it is heartening nevertheless. My personal favourite?? Severus Snape! You have got to read the book to really get his footing in the entire Harry Potter series. 

For what it's worth, I loved reading the book/play for it let me live the Potter-world all over again. I was done reading in 6 hours flat and now, I have major withdrawal issues, just as I did when the last Potter book and the last Potter movie released. I really wish they made a movie out of this one too. After 'Fantastic beasts and where to find them', I am somewhat sure they will. That is the hope.

Until then, All is indeed well.

#MovieReview: Ghostbusters (2016)

Disclaimer: This is a spoiler-free review of the movie Ghostbusters that released this past week. Spoiler-free, not by choice, but by restraint. There is nothing much I can spill as the writing of the movie is the real ghost that needed some major busting. 

If you stepped into the cinema hall expecting to be blown away, stem your expectations right there. Nip them in the bud. This movie is nothing like its predecessor with the same name. 

There are moments in the movie that make you feel like you could stay on till the end, but for most part, I was inching towards the exit door. And all the harsh things I say, I say for the script alone. The writing and the setting of the movie is so lifeless, I am surprised the actors did not fall asleep during shots. Or maybe they did, we don't know that. 

The casting is spot-on! An all-woman ghostbuster squad is a dream concept and despite the bad reception the movie's trailer received, I was expecting some amazing stuff. Sadly, that did not come. I could not believe my eyes when Thor was wasted away like that. You can call me out for typecasting Chris into a singular role but when you watch the movie (if you do) you will comply by what I say. Melissa McCarthy and Kate McCinnon are great, pulling off a dull story rather splendidly. Leslie Jones as the loud, funny tag-along is bearable too. Kristen Wiig is made to look stone-faced all throughout the movie, except for the times when the ghosts vomit slime on her face.  

My favourite in the movie is Kate McCinnon. It's a shame she stands behind Chris Hemsworth(a horrible miscast) in the movie posters. Kristen Wiig is under utilised, there is hardly any depth in her character. However, that is in no way a reflection on her acting prowess. Obviously. The script failed her! Then there is Bill Murray, along with many other actors who appeared in the earlier Ghostbusters movie, trying to pull a Stan Lee with forgettable cameos.

Rating: 6/10

Watch the movie if you have loved these brilliant actors on Saturday Night Live and would not mind seeing them being wasted away. Also, find it in your heart to get over Chris Hemsworth's dumb blonde moments in the movie. He was just acting. I hope.

#MovieReview : Sarrainodu (2016)

I love the Indian film industry. They set so much footage in store for the actor of the movie, it's insane! He gets all the attention, all the (cool?) dance moves and all the women. In fact, the writers seem to think it unnecessary to weave an actual plot in their movies for this very reason. Sarrainodu (meaning 'the correct man') is one such movie which has its tone set in hero worship.

I cannot get myself to summarise the entire movie in writing, I think I might not be able to do justice. All you need to know about the movie is that Allu Arjun is the good guy with martial arts like skills that are almost supernatural. Nothing can wound the hero. Then, there is a bad guy and his father (for the spoilt son angle) 

Our hero is unemployed, is sufficiently rich, hits on the young and single MLA, decides to marry another damsel, decapitates bad guys and occasionally provides comic relief minutes before he springs into action against goons in the movie. The bad guy does, well, bad things. The hero and the villain cross paths and surprise surprise, the hero kills the bad guy in the end. 

Now, for my take on the movie! Being an avid hindi movie viewer, watching a telugu movie is a novelty. I will go all out on the limb here and confess, despite the obviousness of the plot I rather enjoyed the movie.
Here's why:
1. I hardly understood the dialogues but the visual impact of the dialogue delivery left me quite amused.
2. The absolute hilarity with which the events of the movie transpired. They were unreal and laughable and I did have a good laugh.
3. The popcorn was really good! 

Sarrainodu in two words: Plot-less and Unnecessary  

So much for hero worship! 

Chocolate Pariah no more with PlaceofOrigin.in

Moving to a town has its ups and downs. Having lived in the city all my life, access to a plethora of exotic foods and products was super easy but having moved to Kakinada a few months back I have come to realize that it isn’t the case here. I am hardly complaining but I miss my goodies and the little guilty pleasures from time to time whenever the chocolate cravings kick in. My sweet tooth is super specific and I rarely get to indulge my greedy self here. That was until I came across the website PlaceofOrigin.in

Place of Origin is a concept online marketplace where specialty Indian foods, confectioneries, savory products and many other varieties of food can be directly bought from the source of the product itself. What caught my eye particularly was the sweets and chocolates section! Being a chocoholic of sorts, I raided the chocolates section of the website and was mesmerized by the sheer variety that they have on the website. There is a chocolate for everyone! The variety is insane : they have the regular milk chocolate, the dark chocolate, gluten free chocolate, lactose free vegan chocolate, organic chocolate, truffles, traditional chocolate bars, raw cocoa, fruit and nut chocolates and a lot more! Check this out if you do not believe me!

Scouting through the products, I stumbled upon the store Mason & Co from Auroville (in Pondicherry) that makes vegan organic chocolates. Since they are milk free and hardly have any sugar, they are dark chocolate in flavor and my absolute favorite. On my last visit to Pondicherry late last year, I could not get my hands on these yummy chocolates and it has me elated that I do not have to wait to get the chocolate. Looks like I have decided what I am buying!

You can check out the Mason & Co chocolate store here. They are a 100% certifiably organic and boast of being one of the best dark chocolates ever.

You can also browse through the Chocolates section of the website here and find your perfect flavor

The PlacesofOrigin website is here, and I dare you to not find a regional food that you have loved for years and could not lay hands on because you could not access it geographically. Chances are, you might find it on their website!

#ShaadiSeries : When it's not your party!

I have missed this. Typing incessantly without a worry in the world about having to sound coherent or sensible. 

Back to business! I have a stable WiFi connection now, which allows me to work, connect and blog. So, Hurrah! For the uninformed, I have been married for over three months now and I am in the middle of what most people call 'adjustment'. With that being taken care of rather healthily, I spend a lot of the free time I have thinking about my wedding hullabaloo. I'll be honest here. I have always wanted a huge wedding, complete with the functions and the fun and the laughter. The works. And now that I look back on the week when it actually happened I realise bit by bit that it was nothing short of a dream. At times, I sailed through the days as if I was looking down upon what was happening as an onlooker.

But most of it was not my party, and if you have been through the wedding process you know what I mean. While a wedding and all the functions are supposed to be about the ones who are getting married, the ones who are about to tie the knot hardly get to have as much fun as the others. They do not even get to have a say in the proceedings lest you want that glaring look from that random auntyji silently imploring you to zip it! You are either too laid-back to even care or too hyper that you try and control everything that happens. There will be people, relatives mostly, who will be up and about trying to find a flaw in the proceedings or as the famous phrase goes - ungli karna. I, for one, did manage to transform into my obsessive self and pretty much try and get a control over everything that was happening. As it is I was doomed to have a nerve wrecking time being the bride, on top of that, I wreaked upon myself the burden of making sure everything happens smoothly. The realisation dawned quite late so to say, but I am here making a public service announcement to all the new brides-to-be.

You will have butterflies and you will want it all to be a fairytale but do not be the one who has to make sure that happens. Delegate chores, relax and sit back. Your job is to get dressed on time and show up, let your friends and cousins and your family fret about the details. Trust me when I say this, but candid pictures of you frowning over a table arrangement gone wrong is the last wedding memory you need. Voice your concerns to your loved ones beforehand (like a fortnight before the D-day) and let it go because when you are getting married, your mantra to live by should be just that. It may not be your party, but it sure is the most important day of your life. Have at it that way. 

#MovieReview : Fan

Shahrukh Khan is a weird human being, a weirder actor. Just when you thought he had lost his marbles with his recent feature films letting us down a great deal (read Dilwale and Happy New Year), this movie is sure to make you feel real proud of being an SRK fan. With the likes of Swades and Chak de India in his kitty, SRK does not really need to prove his mettle but his choice of movies in the last couple of years have got us wondering if SRK was losing his sheen. But all that will seem reduntant somehow when you watch the movie. It was unreal watching SRK play a character like Gaurav after so many years! Unreal and refreshing.

The plot of the movie is quite uncomplicated. Gaurav Chandna from Delhi is a hardcore Aryan Khanna fan and has been idolising the actor since he was a little boy. He has a shrine of sorts dedicated to the actor built right in his bedroom. He also resembles his idol, joking in his monologue at the beginning of the movie that God moulded his face with the clay that was left after He was finished with Aryan Khanna. He wins a actor-lookalike prize in his colony after he puts up a great show posing as Aryan Khanna, with the help of his ever-so-adorable parents. He sets out to Mumbai to meet SRK on his birthday and give him that trophy. What happens after is what the movie is all about.

The thing that will strike you when you first see the movie will be how the 'Fan - Gaurav' resembles the pre-DDLJ era Shahrukh Khan, right out of Darr and Anjaam. The hero and the anti-hero played by the same actor is not a novel concept in Indian cinema but the way the relationship between a superstar and his (self-proclaimed) greatest fan unfolds on the silver screen is in this movie is fresh baked cookies. The movie sure does fizz out in terms of drama in the second half, but SRK whilst playing both Gaurav and Aryan, more than makes up for it with his brilliant acting. 

The movie has been shot brilliantly and Maneesh Sharma's love for Delhi continues as he captures the city in its raw hide in some shots. However, one might wonder that the casting was deliberately done in a way that the major limelight could be thrown on SRK alone. Nevertheless, that wasn't necessary because this is his movie out and out. If you want to go watch the movie or if you do not, you really must. SRK fan or not, you will like this movie for what it is. While you are at it, don't expect a wonderfully written script, it definitely could have been better. Watch it for the performances. And Gaurav.

Breathe, Intolerants. Breathe.

This is not a rant about how people are going ballistic over other people who say that India is transforming into an intolerant state. What is happening all across the news channels, facebook, whatsapp and twitter is a show of intolerance at a much deeper level. Life has come quite the full circle for us citizens. And because internet has a permanent memory, one cannot speak or post anything without the fear of scrutiny of their past activity on social media with a fine tooth comb. The most outrageous part is that you do not even have to be a celebrity to be put to criticism. Internet trolls can get you for what you are. Online harassment and shaming is far more deep rooted to be discussed loosely here, but this is where it begins - the word of the year - Intolerance

Spare me the honour of being a leftist or a rightist or an elitist or an exorcist for posting this at a time when the social media is going bonkers over Aamir Khan. I got no feelings for the man, like I got no reaction for Anupam Kher being pro-Modi. Let me correct that, I have a reaction alright, but it is not facebook-worthy. Every single time, a 'celebrity' has a brain-fart, I want to be able to just shrug over their lack of common sense, hurl an abuse or two and go back to doing whatever unproductive procrastinating I was doing prior to that. 

Don't get me wrong, I do care about my country. I watched all the Satyameva Jayate episodes, I know the problems India is facing. More recently I have made myself aware to the many more problems courtesy of On Air with AIB. I know for a fact that if I had to deal with these said problems, I will have to get my face off of that smartphone and look around, talk to people and stuff and work maybe. 

The point is : Not everything needs to be posted on facebook. An occasional jibe, fine, understandable. But Facebook is not twitter where you post daily updates about who you think is a prize-a**

You also do not have to tweet about every little thing that happens across the country, unless you are a stand-up comic. I harbour a bias towards them, for they make twitter tolerable. And unless you are a Kardashian whose opinions people don't really take seriously, quit harbouring angst, hatred and disgust on social media platforms. You may be starting a chain of reactions that will poison many a ears. 

If you have a strong reaction, sit around the dinner table with your family and discuss it to get more perspectives to it. And when you have an informed opinion, more factual and resilient, be my guest and post it on your wall. Try and stop being offensive in communal/religious/political ways, we have enough goons trying to ruin day-to-day with things these. Spread kindness and virtue and some good humour. Lord knows we all have forgotten to laugh.

If you are doing this trolling madness for that notifications tab to blip continuously, please share pictures. Of your wife, your baby, your weekend escapades to Khandala or your new iphone. Guaranteed likes. That should keep you happy and content.

The point of interacting with your friends and acquaintances on the social media was primarily to be 'social' without the hassle of meeting up with them daily. To basically keep in touch. Don't be that person who has a troll-ish retort to every morning to a news headline. We have enough creeps all over the internet, don't be one of them.

I am probably sounding preachy right about now, so I will stop.  

Cheers,

D

Our Imperfect Perfections

I turn 27 tomorrow and I have a confession to make. I am an imperfect human. 

I am not a great looker and my sense of style is perhaps misplaced. I am not an exemplary cook nor am I a prominent name in the profession of my choice. If I were to decide the course of my life, I would fail miserably at it for I know not where my heart really lies. One day I want to be a master homemaker and the other, I want to be the most successful person there can ever be. I define the word fickle and push it a new level each day. But it is okay. It is okay that I look at the timelines of all the 1000 friends I have on facebook and think about how perfect their lives are on paper. It is completely fine, that some days I choose someone else's life as a comparison scale for what I should live like. I am only human. And I am vain as most humans can get. Sometimes less, sometimes more. We have all been there. Our virtual realities overpower the sense of our real selves, and no matter how many clickbait websites tell you that 'facebook infused depression' is a disease, trust me it is not. It is in our nature to be jealous, to be happy and sad, all at once when a friend gets engaged or promoted. We have been gifted the ability to feel, and to feel a hundred emotions at once. Then why create a pathological parallel universe and bracket yourself as abnormal, when our reactions are as habitual as breathing and sleeping.

But we are not all a whirlwind of crazy. We are loving and silent and loyal. We are practical and dreamy and loud and very accommodating. Sometimes, all at once! I know I am. A single personality trait hardly ever defines me and I have gotten it checked, it's not a psychological condition. My heart and the head are always in a tussle and there is never a clear winner. There can never be a winner for what is right for the heart need not necessarily coincide with what the head wants. And that's just about fine. Because if everything could be figured out in no time at all without us putting a decent amount of effort into it, failure and wisdom would be redundant. Wouldn't they?

We are a mixed bag of imperfections and that is what separates us from the rest, that is what motivates us to be unique. In every way, we are unique. Paradoxically, we are one. 
In our imperfect perfections, we are all one.

Cheers,
D!

The Phone Call

To me, there is something very empowering about making a call and striking a conversation. It is an exhilarating experience on occasions when the person on the other end is an old dear friend or they are someone you just randomly happened to phone the first time because of some work. I have had many a delightful conversations in the past and I have consistently noticed that a phone call ranging from normal/average to happy have significant mood altering results on me. All of them, positive.

So here is my pattern. Once every couple of months, I dedicate an entire evening calling estranged friends and people I have lost touch with. It is not a pattern or a fixed list of people, these are the people I am randomly missing that day. And when I call, apprehension-free, I am triggering a mood alteration sequence in all those people I am talking to. That gives me a lot of power (and responsibility) and makes this an exciting task. In this entire process, I am also reconnecting with myself from the past and those people I talk to. In simple words if I am happy, then the person I am calling sort of gets infected by my happy bug and alters their mood, even if it is just for a brief period. 

Not just me, I think once in a while everyone should rise above WhatsApp, Facebook and Twitter and call them peeps whose voice you probably would have forgotten because you have been hitting as many Vevo channels on Youtube as can be possible. Flex your fingers, pick up the phone and make that call. And when you call, remember these things:

• Do not be apologetic. You may be calling after ages but you are the one calling right now. You win! The only exceptions to this rule are your parents. Call them, call them now. And apologise for being such a slob and not calling them everyday.
• Slang is your friend, if it is your bud or your sibling on the other side of the call. Discretion is advised, however.
• Immediately disconnect when the conversation has steered to a place where ",,,and, what else?" was spoken out loud for the third time. Marks of a conversation that has gone redundant and is not fun anymore. Think twice about calling this person again the next time.
• For once, DON'T worry about the bill.
• Reminisce about the past. Plan future tasks to take up together. Discuss the present.
• Building on the previous point, never discuss the weather for more than a 20 seconds. 
• Don't be egotistical. It is afterall just a phone call. Don't compare notes about who called whom last, serves no purpose.
• Walk. Might as well get some exercise while you are at it. 
• Write down all your important phone numbers in a planner or a telephone book. You have no idea how amazing it feels to flip through the pages of a phonebook and locate a number to dial it.

There there! Wasn't that easy?

Go on ahead, make that phonecall and start the happy mood chain reaction. When you hear the other person smile through the conversation, it will be worth it! 

Cheers! 

D