Y fot Yesterday | AtoZ Challenge

Dear Baby Hashtag,

Like how you are crossing milestones by the minute, your mum too crossed hers. My milestones were nowhere nearly as significant as yours but they matter, because they all led me to you. What is crazier is that everything that has happened in the past feels so fresh. Like it all happened yesterday.

It was just yesterday I had graduated from college, full of zeal and enthusiasm. I was ready to take on the world. I still did not know what I wanted out of life though. I decided to take it as it comes.

It was just yesterday that I met a man in the most unexpected of places and we became friends in the most unusual way. Normally, I would be wary of talking to anyone within days of knowing them. But the rapport with this person just hit it off and we became insane friends.

It was just yesterday when I lit my Papa's funeral fire. He was my hero, and watching him crumble broke something in me that day.

It was just yesterday, when my little family tried with all it's might to move on and recover from the loss of all the elderw in the house within a couple of years. My mother became my friend and my uncle and aunt, my heroes.

It was just yesterday, when my uncle (whom now I call Bhai) took it upon himself to get me married to the man I love. He waded through every obstacle and made sure I got there in the end.

It was only yesterday, when I first woke up in my new home post marriage. I was so overwhelmed and oh so excited. I misses home too.

It was only yesterday when we first that result tested positive. Everyone was so happy.

Nine months post that day, you were born, little one. It's still so fresh. Feels like it was all happening yesterday.

No matter how new everything felt to me, you are growing at a rate that has me alarmed. Now that I remember, you rolled over for the first time over a month ago but silly me, to think it was only yesterday.  Oh, how I will miss tending to your newborn self. As much as I am excited to see you grow, I somehow want to relive all our yesterdays with you.

Please don't grow up so fast.

Love,
Mumma Hashtag

X for Xerox copy | AtoZ Challenge

When I was born, relatives looked at me and always said, "Arey, ye toh same Saroj hain!" ("Arey, she looks exactly like Saroj!") For those who do not know, Saroj is the name of my mother. Since birth, I looked like a similar albeit slightly unpolished version of my mother. And my mother in turn looked like her mother. So when the three of us, Nani mumma and I sit together, people can very easily guess that we are related and what's the relationship. But with Baby Hashtag, it's been different. Turns out she does not take take after me. The moment she was born, I was told (and retold multiple times after that) that she looks like her dad. Um okay, that's cool I guess.

A daughter should be her daddy's girl. As spoilt as can be, as princessy as he can handle. So what if she looks like her papa and nothing like me. I will not be superficial and say that I am not bothered by it. Of course I was. But I got over it in five seconds. I love that my daughter looks like the person I love, makes me want to stare at her all the more. In the morning, when both the father and the daughter are fast asleep, I sneakily open the curtain to let some light in so that I can stare at the two of them for a full two minutes. But anyway, this happens on days when I wake up before the husband and that rarely seems to be happening these days thanks to Baby Hashtag's sleep regression.

That I am my mothers Xerox copy, is something I love. Also that my daughter is her father's Xerox copy, is another fact I love. It's a win-win, ain't it?

P.S. Before anyone goes hyper grammar Nazi on me and point out that Xerox is the name of the company and it's actually called photo copy, let me spare you the time. I know. I chose convenience over technicality just this once.

V for Virtues and Vices | AtoZ Challenge

Dear Baby Hashtag,

Today, I need to tell you something important. I don't want to sound preachy, yet somewhere in the narrative I will end up sounding like one so please bear with me. I am taking a different approach today. I am not going to thankful or emotional or unbelievably sappy. I will be real with you.

Let's talk Virtues and Vices.

There is black and there is white. Two ends of the same thing. Two sides of a coin. And just like that, a person also has two character traits to their personality​. One is the virtuous side, the other which indulges in vices.

Be honest. An age old saying reads that "honesty is the best policy" and rightly so. But learn to be honest with caution. Plain honesty bordering on insult does not go down well with a lot of people and more often than not we have to think about protecting other's feelings​. To that end, also learn to be caring. Be kind and a caregiver. Don't expect everyone to return the favour because that is unreal. I will, however, not force you to share. If there is something very dear to me and I am asked to share it, I might choose not to. And the same rules applies to you little one. I will ask you once, if you can find it in your heart to share the toy/food/play area and I know in my heart that you will say yes most of the times. On those times, when you do not want to share, I will not force you into it but I want you to reason the same with me.

Be a people person but try and avoid being vulnerable. Fundamentally, people are calculative and I want you to be wary  before you warm up to them. Study all you want and play as much. Take interest in everything you would want to do in your academic life because those are your golden years. Take chances and experiment but make sure you consult us before taking a decision. Your parents know quite a bit about everything and we will be sure to help you make the choices. When you need an ear, turn to me. Or better yet, your father. He is extremely cool and rest assured that he will break down any complication you think you are suffering from in life.

Being a teenager and then a young adult are going to be the most difficult things. But always know, your mum and dad are right behind you. I don't claim to be your friend because I will need to be a parent too a lot of times over the course of you growing up but you will find in me a very relaxed mum and in your father, a very cool chilled out papa.

As much as I would like you to be virtuous all the time, I know it is humanly impossible to be one. I'm afraid you will be attracted to the vices more than the virtues cos they are easy to fall into and oh-so-attractive. I will not come in your way if you want to have these 'life experiences' but I trust you to be of sound mind and do not over indulge in the name of life experiences. Learn, teach and be aware of everything that will come your way. I am not scaring you off life, merely preparing you for it. No matter how hard I try, I cannot hold you in the confines of the home all the time. I would be raising a socially awkward kid in that case. I'd rather you be a charmer and wade your way through life with your head held high and a glorious smile accross your face.

Maybe in the next letter, I will take a lighter approach and let you in on some personal jokes. For this once, I'm glad we talked about what we did.

Lots of love,
Mumma Hashtag

S for Sanskaari Bahu | AtoZ Challenge

Sanskaari (adj) - Cultured and well-mannered
Bahu (n) - Daughter in-law
Sasuji (n) - Mother-in-law
Shaadi (n) - Marriage

Until about yesterday, I had decided that today's post would be dedicated to Sarso ka tel because it has played a vital role in Baby Hashtag's well-being. And then, just this morning, I read an​ article which was so fundamentally wrong that it made me go another direction with the letter S.

Sanskaari. The holy S word that all women are taught to be 

since childhood. Explored extensively by the likes of Ekta Kapoor, exploited by soap operas for years. Because, beti is paraaya dhan innit. She has to leave her home, get married to a certain someone and accept his family as her own. Of course, this codswallop has been fed to every woman in our country and it's an age old, albeit accepted tradition. 

Fundamentally, the family system would cease to exist if a marriage fails to take place. So logically, for the continuity of species and family lines, a shaadi is necessary. And for a shaadi, you need a bahu. It was fine up to this point. A lot of people experience different things in their marriages. Some are happy, some are just about ok and some are plain abusive. But the freak generalisation of the sanskaari bahu as a prerequisite to a successful marriage had me tongue tied.

Sanskaars are subjective. To each, their own. What is morally sanskaar approved for you may not be just for someone else. This logic a lot of people understand but the need for the textbook 'sanskaari bahu' remains as old as ever. 

I, for one, am in no way a Sanskaari Bahu.

What is a sanskaari bahu?
A bahu who wakes up before sunrise, cooks for the family members (not just cooks but must cook various other cuisines), knows all the housework (so in case the maid decides to take a raincheck, you are still good), must press sasuji's legs till she falls asleep in the night, must still continue housekeeping duties even after having a baby, must be willing to take the second place in the husband's life cos he will always be the Mama's boy, she must treat the new family as her own and let go of the older family where she was born, so on and so forth.

Like I said, I am none of the above.

I wake up well after sunrise cos well, I have a baby to nurse all night and mornings are the only time we all sleep in peace. I know my way around the kitchen and home but not to the point of being called the expert homemaker. I'd rather be a commoner. When my sasuji is at home, we gossip over a cup of tea. That's a better and fun way to bond. I have a maid and a house help to help me manage my home cos I'm no Superwoman. I look after my husband just as much as he looks after me. I also take breaks for work or to simply chill while the baby is being watched over by other members of the family. I am in constant touch with my 'other' family and my husband treats them with no less love and respect. My mother and I still talk for hours, cos well, some things don't change. But I am sure I am still loved in this house. Both the houses, in fact. For me, happy marriages have nothing to do with being a sanskaari bahu. It is merely an extension of my pre-marital life except now I have more people to have fun with.

Q for Quadrilaterals | AtoZ Challenge

Ever since I have started this daily blogging challenge, I have found myself dishing out weird life advices. I am surprised with myself. Today's letter got me instantly forming another theory about living in general. On the risk of sounding extremely preachy and crazy, let me share this one with you as well.

I believe in the power of numbers. Not magical powers. But the whole idea of something divided into a certain number appeals to me more than the whole. Even the books I use have subject divisions. I don't use a lot of things singularly, I usually have pairs or a certain number of them. Usually it's either 4 or 7. This fixation of mine with numbers, I cannot even begin to explain but I've had an inclination to maintain it pretty much all my life. I know a lot of people are obsessed with even numbers. Odd channels numbers and odd numbers as air conditioner temperature troubles them. But my fixation is not that. My obsession comes from the need to be different. It's not bordering on OCD, it's just a strong desire to stand out and still make sense. Am I making sense so far? 

Please bear with me and read on.

Quadrilaterals. A four sided geometrical figure. In this case, Quadrilaterals is everything in life divided into four parts. Every incident, situation or moment has four meanings or sides to it. People, too, have quadrilateral characters. Linear, one dimensional characteristics in a person are very rare.

Let's take for instance, babies. Babies, when born, have very basic lives. Their needs are limited. Food-Sleep-Poop/Pee-Snuggle/Play. That's their basic cycle. The emotions they exhibit in the first few weeks of their life are also four-fold. Hunger-Sleepy-Scared-Happy. More complex sub-emotions develop in them as they grow up but the core feelings remain the same. Adults have needs too. Their everyday life is spent in the pursuit of four things. Sustenance-Necessity-Pleasure-Luxury. ANYTHING one wants in life can be categorised into any one of the above brackets. That is why I believe that we are living the life in Quadrilaterals.

If this thought process tweaks your imagination or you have something to add to it, I would be happy to listen to your take.

Until tomorrow. Cheers!
D.

P for Pandemonium | AtoZ Challenge

Dear Baby Hashtag,

When you grow up, and grow up you will, take time and appreciate the pandemonium. You have a mother who likes order. When I put you down for a nap, for that precious one hour when everyone advises me to sleep, I choose to clean and arrange the laundry. I catch up on pending work or I make lists unto lists of work that needs to be taken care of. I know the laundry pile is going to come back and there is nothing I can do about that. But the momentary order I extract out of the chaos that our day usually is, that gives me solace.

There's a whole bunch of people out there advising me to let the work be. That in the moment in which I chose to wash the laundry or do the dishes, I let a milestone of your development pass by. And you know what, that is okay. I would rather teach you to be organised for when you look at me, you will learn yourself. I would rather prefer that you learn how a house becomes a home when we nurture it, clean it and treasure it.

But I am also afraid. That in all the discipline and in the process of learning to be orderly, you might not appreciate the chaos. You spend a lot of your time with me and you will form a lot of your core beliefs based on what I impart to you. And so, I am a little afraid that you will not have fun in life as I would like you to have.

Then I look at your father. He is all that I am not. He lives in the moment and appreciates chaos, knows the real meaning behind it. He loves you and adores you and is already a fabulous parent. Learn his frivolity. Be the life of a party or a social gathering like how he is. Make everyone laugh and make everyone feel included. And most important of all, learn from him the art of sustaining and embracing the pandemonium.

I would want nothing but the best for you. The best of both worlds. And the best versions of the two parents you have.

Lots of love,
Mumma Hashtag

M for Modern Family | AtoZ Challenge

I am stepping on the daily blogging bandwagon a tad too late, but I am on it nevertheless. Also, the letter for today is M which stands for a sitcom I absolutely love. Modern Family. I am sure this show has a lot of fans. And if you have not heard about the show, it is time you did add it to your watch list. It is only my second favourite show, only after FRIENDS. There are SO many reasons I love the show but it is these five characters that keep me hooked.

1. Phil Dunphy

Basically Phil Dunphy is me. I am the king (queen?) of goofy jokes and strange antics around the house. His childlike innocence makes him a lovable character while creating a perfect balance with his wife. And ofcourse, Ty Burrell plays him to perfection.

2. Gloria Prichett

I will be honest, if it weren't for Sofia Vergara, I would never have adored the character of Gloria. Her accent is endearing and her acting so on point. She makes Gloria likeable and funny. 

3. Lily Tucker-Prichett

I have been rooting for Lily to become a sass queen since season one and boy, my wishes have been answered. As the seasons have progressed, Lily has redefined smartness with her quips and not for one second do we feel like she is being disrespectful.

4. Haley Dunphy

I was Haley once in my life. Not the popular queen of the school. But at that place in life, where figuring out where to go next in life is an adventure in itself. Her character has grown so well. Also, she is so stupid sometimes, it's funny. 

5. Cameron Tucker

There is this man in the show, is textbook homosexual but plays soccer and excels at it. He loves pink and Meryl Streep but drives a truck with precision. How can you not love a character with so much to offer!

Modern Family is a resonance of everything that a present family system in most metro cities go through. There is always one moment in the entire episode that will relate to you and leave you feeling bubbly and extremely happy. And if a television show leaves you with nothing but happiness when it is over, I call it a satellite win. When Baby Hashtag grows up, I may have television restrictions but I am making her watch reruns of this show. I am sure she will enjoy it, well I hope she does. 

These are my favourite characters from the show. I do love the others, but these have my heart. If you are a fan of the show, which one is your favourite? Let me know.

See you tomorrow, back with the challenge! 

Cheers,

D

The demons of the post-partem times

Everyone speaks about how wonderful it is to have a baby and how amazing being a mother feels. For all those who have been following my blog will concur with the fact that all the information you have from me about having a baby and the times after that are all fun and merry work. But it is not entirely that. Post delivery challenges are real and affect mostly everyone. If you meet a mother, who admits to having sailed through without a hiccup, the time after she delivered her baby, she is either too strong willed to accept defeat or she is just too proud to accept that anything was off. 

Let me make one thing very clear. Getting pregnant and having a baby are the two most rewarding experiences of a mother's lives. When I talk about the downside of post delivery experiences, I do not in anyway undermine the joy of birth. I am merely making the reader aware of what a new mother goes through in varying proportions. 

Here are some demons that the new mother faces head-on with the arrival of the baby:

1) Post partem depression

Post partem depression or PPD is real and grips women when they are least suspecting it. The counter to PPD is given as, 'she just had a baby, how can she be sad?' Well, women who are diagnosed with PPD do not hate their babies. In fact, they succumb to PPD because of the baby in their lives. Suddenly, a life depends on them for its well being and health and that overtakes every other thing on the mother's mind. Multiply that feeling of responsibility with raging pregnancy hormones in the system and you have a mother who is too weepy, emotional, angry and frustrated all at the same time. Add to that, being sleep deprived does not help the new mothers one bit. I, for one, am the most non-weepy person there is. I did not shed one tear or feel all too overwhelmed when I heard the baby's first cry and saw her in the box but I cried my eyes out the first night I sat through nursing the baby. Hormones. Luckily, I had the support of my husband and the family to help me with the baby and I was back to my normal cynical self. 

2) Neglect

A lot of women feel neglect when the new baby arrives as the focus of everyone's attention is not her anymore. Not that women are attention seekers but having gone though rigorous labor or a c sec surgery makes mommies a tad too emotional and needy. The feeling of neglect grows manifold especially when the husband decides to pay extra attention to the baby instead of her. A little advise to the new Papas. For the first couple of weeks post-delivery, go out of your way to make your woman feel special. Just little somethings like flowers, a backrub, chocolates or a simple pat on the cheek. The feeling of being neglected with subside substantially and she will not feel sidestepped. 

3) Overwhelm

A new mother in many cases is a proud mother. Today, women are well read and well informed. A little too informed actually. But having a baby is not about how well you know your shizz, it's about hands on knowledge. 

4) Under the scanner
A new mom is always under the scanner. What she does, how she raises the baby, the decisions she takes to that end, everything is being judged right from day one. And that is not a pleasant situation. A new mother needs to be advised only when she seeks the same from you. And you are out to give her some unsolicited advise, then be gentle and humble about it. She is already a sack of emotions and raging hormones. Do not judge her and put her to distress. Be supportive. 

5) Mommy-shaming

A mother does not choose to not breastfeed her baby. But sometimes due to various reasons (which she may choose to divulge or not) the mother chooses formula for her child instead of direct breastfeeding. DO NOT SHAME HER. She is looking out for her baby and whatever made her decide to go a certain way, let's leave the mother to it, shall we! Also, it took me a little over a week to feel emotionally connected with my little one. I had no immediate 'motherly' feelings taking over my mind as soon as I saw her, it took me time to get there. And I am glad I was not judged for the same. I eventually became the textbook version of a mother: overprotective, nursing, making goo-goo eyes at the baby. And that happened only because I was allowed to live with myself and not shamed for anything. 

Next time you meet a new mother, greet her with warmth and preferably a chocolate. There is nothing in the world that chocolate cannot cure.

Until next time,
D

Surviving the first week | Baby Hashtag is here!

A lot has changed in the last month since I wrote my last post. From a mommy-to-be, I am now a mother and the feeling is taking its own sweet time to sink in. More than anything, I am staring at the tiny tot's face longer than what is considered humanly normal and that behaviour, to me, is the epitome of completely normal. 


Speaking of parenting, I have had the craziest 20 days growing up with Baby Hashtag (to the uninitiated, that is my little one's name on the blog for all intents and purposes)
Together with the husband and my family, we are cruising along just fine barring a few hiccups I faced in the start. My first week with my new baby were the toughest and you will know why. 

But first, know this.

For new parents, a few pointers. Surviving the first week with your baby is going to be a real task. The easiest part will be nursing the baby, because babies are born stronger than we think. They are designed to be tough cos they are going to be handled by new parents, who try as they might, do not win at the parenting game. Not in the first couple of weeks at least. As time passes by and you get used to the new addition to your life, the baby is already used to you and guiding you through day-to-day with an unmatched dexterity. You think you have it under control, but in reality, it is the baby who runs the show and frankly you have to be okay with that. Whenever you can, hold your baby close. Learn how to swaddle the baby. 

New moms, pay heed. You are going to be an emotional wreck. How much ever prepared you are in advance and no matter how much pre-natal yoga you did, this is going to be your reality. The sleeplessness and the raging hormones will make you weep like a wimpy kid and weep, for no solid reason, you will. My image of being the crazy bad-ass comfortably took a tumble when I was bawling my eyes out on the second day after the baby for no reason at all. Let's just say, the waterworks will be your steady companion, especially in the first month post-baby. Teach yourself on all the feeding and nursing basics and be prepared, mentally at least. Choose the paediatrician well in advance because you will have a lot of questions about your baby that only they can answer reliably. Research about a competent Lactation Consultant in your area and stay in touch with them as well, for obvious reasons. Then there is the first round of vaccinations that will be administered to the baby in the first week of her birth. Stay strong and do not crumble into a crying heap at the sight of your baby in pain. Be practical about the coming fever post-vaccination and stay sharp. Cold sponges and cluster feeding your baby helps when they are running a high temperature. 

New dads, your turn now. Your wife is in that constant state of wanting attention. And now with the baby being the centre of everyone's universe, her feeling of being unwanted has only further deepened. Be patient to her temper tantrums and hysterical crying episodes. You made it through her 9 months of mood swings, a couple more months won't add to your woes. Be kind to her, but not sympathetic. Most importantly, help change diapers and do other baby-related chores. Ease her out of the overwhelmed self she is slowly sinking into. Keep the spirits high and treat her like the queen.

Amidst the tears, hormones, sweat, midnight feeding sessions and short naps, exhaustion, there are going to be those glorious moments when you will look at your baby and all this will seem too petty. Make that feeling your biggest incentive and dive into a new day with the baby with renewed zeal and love. I am in love each day, falling for the little Baby Hashtag over and over again. And that, keeps me going.

10 Random things-to-do!

This is for you. 
And you. 
You, as well.
10 Random things-to-do. Everyday. Or just today. Whatever!

HELL YESSS!

1. Tell someone they have a charming smile. Also, smile more often yourself. It is infectious. It is important, however, to know when to retract that smile. You do not want to be that weird guy who smiles that constant psychopath smile ALL the time.

2. Make conversation with that small vendor you see outside your apartment everyday. Ask him how his day was, politely. If he seems sour, just give him an encouraging 'koi baat nai, chalta hain' and walk away.

3. Greet the watchman and the lift-man in your office with a dazzling 'Good Morning' everyday if you can. It's a no harm done move. They like to feel important and you are giving them just that. 

4. Say 'Thank you' for the smallest courtesy offered to you. Be consistent but not overly enthusiastic about it. You want to seem courteous, not bat-shit crazy.

5. Call/text your parents and just ask them how their day was going. If you are someone who does not do this often, you might alarm them with questions of such concern. Reassure them that all is well and you are just generally trying to be nice.

6. Wave to a child/toddler on your transit. But do not be the creepy dude who gives them chocolates. Avoid them chocolates.

7. If you want to grocery shop, make a day of it. BigBasket your products only if you are swamped like crazy. There is no equivalent to physical shopping. EVER! 

8. Once a weekend, go out and play a sport for hours together. Does not matter if you play hide-and-go-seek with the apartment kids, what matters is that you revisit that playful side of you every once in a while.

9. Dance. And Sing. Even if you have two left feet and the voice that could put a frog's croak to shame, sing and dance like your life depends on it. Whether you do it in solitary confinement or full public view is a personal choice. 

10. Cook. Learn to cook different cuisines. Or pretend, maybe. And if all that fails, order food in and have a good laugh over your failed culinary attempt.

Do it and pass it forward. A chain reaction of all things happy is what we need the most today! Making someone else happy is rewarding, even just a little bit. And when it does a full circle and comes back to you, you will know you have made a lot of people smile and laugh along the way.

A little more joy did no one harm! 

Acceptance and busting Pregnancy-related Myths

I have never complied by rules on the first go. If someone asks me to do something a certain way, I first do the opposite and then if that does not bode well with me I will return to do things the way I was first asked to do. So naturally, my first instinct is usually to revolt and if that does not work, I recede.

So when I found out I was pregnant, I was bombarded with all sorts of dos and don'ts that I needed to take care of for the impending gestation period. Not just people, the books and the websites and every little material I read and saw tried to put me off certain things more than anything. And being the natural 'chill'er in life, I paid little or no attention to most advice that was doled out to me. 

It was then that my husband pointed out a general flaw in my personality that I characteristically emote disapproval through my face more often than I need to and that hit home! Even though my intention was not such, my face emoted my detachment from the advise as soon as it was given to me. I decided to be a little more accepting of things that were said to me, especially by family, because of course they mean well and 'all they want is good health for you and the baby', I told myself. 

So with time, I adopted a more tolerant attitude toward said things but I did not completely shed my disapproving behaviour. I transformed into a more logical self, analysing things I was told to do and adjusting them to suit the needs of the baby and me. It was in the course of these meticulous 5 months of analysing, over analysing, incessantly reading and personal experiences that I came to realise that some pregnancy related advice are essentially myths.  

1. The Great 'Khatta khaane ka mann' logic
No, you do not suddenly want to eat all the achaar and the khatta imli when you conceive. Some have the hankering for sweet food and some for savoury. I, for one, oscillated between the two. You feel like eating a lot of sour things to basically ease the first trimester nausea but that too, for some women, is a temp thing which last a couple of weeks.

2. Sleeping on your right is a strict NO-NO
Yes, the doctors will advise you to avoid sleeping on your back. Sleeping on your back compromises the blood flow to the uterus and the baby. Also, towards the end of the third trimester, your lungs will feel burdened if you sleep on your back and so your cuddle up on your side. But one of the scariest things I have heard is that sleeping on your right results in the birth of a still-born. I have met with a fair few doctors and practitioners in my present term and there is no medical proof backing this claim. 

3. The many many legends of guessing the baby's gender
The silver chain and ring test, the sweet-savoury craving test, the shape of the tummy test. There are all kinds of small little legends that people have to determine the gender of the baby. Personally, my husband and I never really put a lot of thought into it. When someone tries to predict the gender of the baby, I laugh it off by saying that there is at least a 50% chance they are right. Either way.

4. You have got to eat for two!
No! You have got to eat healthy, being an expecting mum. And the doctor will advise you of the same after taking into consideration your medical history. And when they tell you to eat for two, pile on the nutrition, not the portion size! 

5. Pile on the kilos
Not all mommys-to-be need to put on anywhere between 10 to 15 kilos while preparing themselves for the baby. You can put on anywhere between 5 to 18 kilos but the range is decided upon by your doctor after taking your BMI into account. Since I am an overweight woman, I have been advised to gain weight in the 5-8 kilo bracket. With the right food, exercise and activity, the less than needed gain weight does not affect the baby at all.

6. Do not drive!
Agreed that the first couple of months, you are on tenterhooks about the whole driving thing. You want to but you are too scared to and so you completely do not. But personally, driving is something which is a lot more convenient than riding a bike (which you should avoid because of increased accident risks) Take a couple of months off in the beginning if you are unsure, but you can resume driving if your back feels fine. Plus the kick from driving is more soothing than anything else.

7. The third trimester will only make you look and feel unattractive.
Maybe. But not always. Pregnancy glow is not a thing abundantly found among women. In that case, use makeup to your rescue. And yes, you will feel tired most of the time but lean on your husband to lift up your spirits when you are feeling unattractive (read troll-like)

Before you take my word for it entirely, these are the things I have generally found to be non-applicable in my case. But if you do try to google their authenticity, you will find at least one hit on the first page that will debunk my claim as well. So, like me, do venture out to make your pregnancy your own personal experience than being chained to some age-old things you are forced to comply by. And do this whilst being accepting of all opinions. 

Cheers! 
D

5 thoughts I have when the baby moves!

One of the most defining moments during your pregnancy is the time you feel the baby squirm inside of you. Given that you have been living with a black and white ultrasound image of a blob of mass, five months into the pregnancy, you finally get that one proof that there is indeed something growing inside you and believe it or not, it is FREAKY!

Let me dive head first into it. I know you are judging me a little when I do not categorise my 'the baby moved' experience as beautiful. It was downright freaky. It is only then that the time has arrived for you to come to terms with the fact that you are now a manufacturing and food processing unit for another human for the next 4-5 months of your life. Of course, over time the frantic situation dissolves into a more subtle and novel experience but there is no denying all these feels you will feel when you actually feel the baby move for the first time and all the times after that!

1. Is it gas?
Yes. That was the absolute first thought and heck, it felt like it too. The soft feathery swish termed as quickening is what most mothers feel in the early months of the second trimester. Though categorised as baby movements, quickening is more like that uneasy wave of gas you feel after a heavy mexican meal. It took me while to tell the two apart *facepalm*

2. Bring it on baby
The baby loves a challenge and so do I! This is one good thing that happened in the months that followed the movements. I have not had sleepless nights because of the kicks, in fact it helped me sleep more soundly knowing there was an over-achiever in my belly. To be an expectant mother and be so laid back about it is something I am given grief over constantly but hey, why fret when the baby is as chill as you are! 

3. That is an unreachable itch!
The squirming inside your belly however results in an unbearable itch. What is worse is that this is happening inside your body and there is nothing you can do about that except for plead to the baby to go easy on you. Mine did not listen to me and only became more active. The little devil, this one! 

4. Do I sit or do I stand or do I lay down?
So what is the protocol when you feel the first set of solid kicks. That is, after you have identified them as baby kicks/movements. Do you sit down or do you stroll around a little or do you just lie down on your side. What will aid the baby's movements more? The answer to this, however, comes to you with time as you live with your baby and learn its habits. Each baby reacts to the mother and the environment in a different way and so you have got to work with the baby to find what is best for them.

5. Come on baby, put on a show! 
I have a baby who does not comply by demands. So when you tell the baby to move, there will be dead silence, like absolutely no movement but moves about nonstop when I am in the middle of a midnight snack watching Modern Family re-runs. Fact of the matter: My baby moves only when it wants to. He is a twisted one too, moves the most when the Nani (my mum) or the father (my husband) talk. 

Four months into feeling the little one move around and doing somersault pretty much every time I eat cake, I am more used to this than anything else.

I am into this constant habit of sitting on a straight chair with the laptop propped in front me as I sit down to type posts every other day. And for the past few weeks, the baby syncs its kicks and movements to the sound of me typing on the keyboard. I even get an appreciative jab or a punch after I type a particularly long non-punctuated sentence. Of course, I will miss this synchronised dance routine we share but I am ready for little 'baby hashtag' to kick me out of my sleep every night. 

Have you felt anything like this while you were pregnant with your baby or was it different? Do share your thoughts. 

Cheers! 
D.

#TrendAlert : Aiyoh!

Ringing in the Tuesday with a blog post about something that is not very fashionable to talk about at the moment. Colloquialism is something we are all guilty of, but we are often unaware of having indulged in it. With ours being a country of diverse regional pools and having multiple language influences, it is only normal when the occasional 'yaar' or 'abey' creeps into our conversations without us even realising it. It is now even considered to cool to incorporate such slangs in your speech and informal texting language. What I love about the colloquial language is that it is our own and it gives us a sense of familiarity and comfort when we converse in it that the regular spoken english just can not.

source: www.indianmeme.com

Why this rant about colloquial language all of a sudden? Because one of our dearest 'regular use' words has left the echelons of colloquial language and joined the supremes. Yes! I am talking about the word 'AIYOH!'

Last week, Oxford dictionary released its list of new September words and it featured new entries like Yogasana and our beloved Aiyoh! To be honest, it does not really matter much to the aam junta but to the Indian purists who swear by the Oxford dictionary like a holy scripture, this is a big moment. By adding this word to the official Oxford records, the word now stands to get more acceptance.

More than anything, I am afraid of the misuse that 'Aiyoh' will be put to from now on. It is going to be used a lot more by that pretentious group of people in a party who sip on cocktails named after tools and talk about boycotting Chinese products while taking selfies on an iPhone that was incidentally assembled in China. And the next time Chetan Bhagat0 gets picked on for writing shit in the name of literature, they will point us to that one paragraph in their books where they used 'Aiyoh' : even before the word got picked up by the Oxford dict. "I am a visionary" he will claim. And what a sad day for Indian literature that will be. Arnab Goswami will use it in the course of time, driving us up the wall. The innocence of the word will eventually get lost in the maddening frenzy and what was just an adorable way to express exasperation will boil down to being a word like any other.    

For us regular Lucys, there is just the one upside that comes out of this move from the Oxford dict. New word to make on the Scrabble board! Yay.

#ShaadiSeries : The Honeymoon Ritual

The Honeymoon Ritual is the last and probably the most unnecessary ritual of the wedding extravaganza!

I have seen a LOT of couples actually delaying their wedding dates so that coincide with a more favourable time to travel. Dates have been pushed back and forth trying to accommodate a 'so-called' honeymoon budget. The idea of a honeymoon or to simply put 'a post-wedding holiday' was to give the married couple some space and time to understand and get accustomed to each other in their respective living spaces before actually starting a life together. With time, the notion has evolved and spouses are usually more relaxed with each other by the time they are married.

The Honeymoon Ritual, however, refuses to evolve! Now the idea of a honeymoon is so done to death, that it revolves around the frantic search for an exotic location that very little people in your Facebook friend's list have been to. And it has to be some place exotic because when you tag yourself there with your new spouse, you have to garner at least a 100 reactions on social media. Otherwise, you are not doing honeymoon right. To each, their own. I agree. But when people (read married people) judge you and your marriage based on your honeymoon destination, that gets to me.

You may have worked this out by now but yes, I never did a honeymoon. My husband and I chose to stay put and rejoin work as soon as the wedding festivities were over. Let me straighten one thing out though. I am all for the holiday! I mean, who does not like a vacation. But the idea of a fully loaded honeymoon was just too much for us to handle and we did away with it. Instead, we jumped head on into life, making fortnightly weekend getaways a more frequent habit. 

If only, people (read married people) left us alone! 

Months into the marriage, they still rant on about how I missed an opportunity to have fun for once in my life, especially with the baby on its way. So wait, you are questioning my ability to cope with a honeymoon-less life and are also telling me very slyly that my life 'with the baby and a husband' will be bonkers? My God! Opportunity lost? Not. And here is why! 

First, personally spending thousands, lakhs even, on a glorified holiday is just not acceptable to me. Call me stingy, but when every honeymoon-related package comes to you at 250% more than it's original cost, I would rather be home watching random Kung-fu movies with a husband who loves the television as much as I do.

Second, there is no dearth of chemistry and magic in our marriage. I have burnt more meals in the kitchen than anyone has and we have been getting more takeaways from restaurants and eating them in solitary confinement watching Modern Family re-runs, just the two of us. That, right there, is our honeymoon.

and Third, it is totally a personal choice!

I am not taking a dig at honeymooners in general, party all you want, I could not be happier for you. But it is the sympathisers that need to back off a little. Next time before you go all googly-sympathetic faced for someone who haven't had their honeymoon, restrain yourself. They have their reasons. Heck, they may even be smarter than you think.

And NO, a missed honeymoon is not a lost opportunity. It is just another wedding ritual some of us decided to skip.

Bring back in trend, the lost art of spelling correctly!

I missed publishing this post on Tuesday because it was my birthday and I was in an overly indulgent mood. So I quit working, planning or any activity in general and parked myself on the sofa with my phone and the television. Like I promised last week, I am continuing this week with talking about (and in this case, criticising) the hottest trend on the block. New Generation Grammar-less language.

First there was SMS. With it came a frightening trend. SMS lingo! Right became r8, hate became h8, happy brithday god bless you became 'hbd gbu'. At the time, this certain transition may have seemed the most logical thing to do as the keypads were alphanumeric and typing was, honestly, a pain in the ass. But what excuse does this generation have for typing words and making grammatical errors when there is spellcheck and a Qwerty keypad. What is worse that these very people talk in the same language they text in which is a disgrace. I have had younger people, meaning kids younger than me, come to me and blurt out incoherent sentences like 'I got swag bruh!'..... I mean, who talks like that. You text using this language and vocabulary because 1) in a textual exchange no one gets to hear you being an ass and 2) for some reason, it is cool to type like this.

I beg to differ.

Both in person and virtually, if someone uses SWAG in a sound conversation, I will legit punch them in the face. I cringe when someone types HBD to wish me on my birthday. Seriously, what good comes off those two seconds that you saved by not typing the two word HAPPY BIRTHDAY phrase. Then there are those who still have not left behind the alphanumeric keypad. Thanks to their immense and wide mental prowess, they replace the word TO with 2, the letter O with a zero and GREAT with gr8. The worst kind of people are the ones who actually say LOL instead of the conventional ha-ha. Oh wait, how do I forget the largest congregation of vocabulary defaulters! Those who have forgotten how to spell basic words like 'like' and 'this'.

Riddle me this, in this era of super intelligent computers and smart phones, how does one even fall prey to such unabashed foolishness. Why? To sound cool? Or to be a peer favourite. News flash!!! Talking or texting like this does not make anyone sound cooler. In fact, you are being judged heavily. People like me who like their sentences framed correctly with the least grammatical errors possible: we will not take you seriously. And with the internet being a wide open stage, two years down the line when you are applying for your dream job at a top firm, your poorly word-constructed tweets from the past will come biting you in the backside. So there is that.

Let me give you a simple example.
When we, grammar lovers, read a sentence that goes:

''I am lyk dis nly, luv me 0r h8 me, dis is mah lyf''

In our minds, it gets translated to:

''F*** ***!"

Don't complain later that no one tried to warn you about this.

P.S. I understand that there is a possibility that there may be grammatical errors in this post. Feel free to let me know in the comments section. I will not hate you. I swear. It will only make me like you more.

What they don't tell you about being pregnant!

Pregnancy!
One of those things in life that have been extensively talked and written about. Every single person you meet in the course of your pregnancy will have at least one piece of advice for you because the world cares immensely for that unborn baby inside of you and they want you to be careful and loving and nurturing. There are, however, things that no one will teach you singularly. This kind of knowledge, these epiphanies, come to you with experience and living through these experiences personally. Now in the third trimester, I have read 'What to expect when you are expecting' cover to cover twice. Although the book is highly extensive and detailed, there are so many things it did not warn me about in advance.

This far along the pregnancy, I have come to realise these things!

1. Maternity Clothes are essentially pointless

Yes!All these big brand-houses making you want to buy maternity clothes as soon as you hit the second trimester have been fooling you all along. You and your 'baby bump self' will need new clothes but only if you intend to do a full-blown 7 schedule photo shoot of yourself with different clothes on. Bodies do not change overnight for most women. The change is more gradual and for most part of the pregnancy, your regular sweatpants and t-shirts will fit the bill just fine. If you still feel the need to own clothing options that were specially made for pregnant women, buy yourself a couple of pretty wrap dresses, kaftans and some bright flip-flops. That should cover you just fine and will also come in handy later.

2. Love-hate relationship with the maid

Most expecting moms will agree with me on this. There are days when your house-help just decides to skip work without prior notice and you are left blindsided. Now all you are doing is worrying yourself sick about the laundry that needs to be cleaned and the entertainment centre that needs to be dusted. You will call her and scream your lungs hoarse asking her to never show up on your door again but again your fatigue takes over the adrenaline rush you just had in that fit of rage and more often than not you find yourself calling the maid back the next minute politely asking her when she will show up next. After your husband, the maid will probably be the most important person who will provide you solace - especially in the first and the third trimester.

3. Worrying over the size of the baby-bump

Before you argue that most books and pregnancy related websites will tell you that all baby bump sizes differ, hear me out. No matter how prepared you are, your calm mental demeanour takes a real hit when your seventh month bump pretty much looks like a fifth month bump. And when you compose yourself, there will be a whole army of people you know who will unabashedly point it out to you that your bump does not look quite 'there yet'. You will do the unthinkable to prove them wrong. You will arch your spine leaning backwards so your bump protrudes to the front and you will constantly place your hands on the top of the belly to make the bump look more pronounced. Believe me, the pressure of looking the quintessential pregnant woman is so much more than anyone makes it to be.

4. Fat women actually have it easy

Contrary to popular belief, women on the heavier side (read fat) have swift pregnancies when compared to their skinnier contemporaries. I speak of this through personal experience. Since we have spent a large part of our teenage and youth manoeuvring our 'big' frames, the time when the pregnancy bump starts to grow it does not change our centre of gravity as drastically as it does for other women. Moving around with an additional 15-20 pounds seem like a no-brainer and major distress in the back and the legs are things of fiction.

5. The husband tiptoes around you, the world does not!

The world around you in general becomes a lot more vocal and judge-y when it comes to you. While your husband (and in a lot of cases, your families) tiptoe around you and speak to you with caution, others have a major flapback tendency of not doing so. Filters are forgotten and so are boundaries. So there will be tummy-touching, no matter how uncomfortable you tell them you are with it. You get the old 'stop being silly' jibe from them before they proceed to do exactly what you had forbade them to do a second ago. Advice will be hurled at you from all quarters so teach yourself some head-bopping and polite nodding to be used in such situations. Do not even try to avoid this phase cos the world is the self-appointed guardian of your unborn baby and at the end of the day, they do mean well.

No matter what is said and done, at the end of the day, the love of your husband and your families is what keeps you going. Through the sleepless nights and bouts of weird dreams that you have and through the many mood-swings and weepy mornings that you cannot get over, they live it all with you. So as long as you are pregnant, make them your world and prioritise your energy on keeping yourself and the baby healthy. Everything else will fall into place. And anything trivial will automatically fall behind.